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One Decision To Pursue Your Passion

12/08/20

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Coach Mike Bayer: Welcome back to Always Evolving. I am constantly evolving and changing it up, so instead of interviewing different experts, I will be spending this time coaching different people who I believe have very relatable stories. And what I'm going to be helping them do is to make one decision, because one decision is actually the book that I have coming out December twenty ninth, which you can preorder [00:00:30] on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million any of those platforms and I'm going to be doing a lot of one decision content, so hopefully pick up a copy. It's all about how one small decision can have profound effects in your life and how to really get down to what is that decision, because we often get very confused and stuck in our own head. And I put together a simple practical guide to help you define in the New Year the one [00:01:00] decision you need to start making right away. So I have two guess on Always Evolving today, LeFern, my amazing producer, is going to give me the rundown on our first guest, Rachel Drews.

 

LaFern Cusack: Yes, Rachel is a very creative person. She's written a novel, she's been working on it for over a decade, and she's reached out to several people, groups, agents, and [00:01:30] she doesn't know if she needs to self publish it or to continue to try to get an agent in the hopes of publishing it. And so she's just in the process of getting things done for her friends more than she is herself and what direction she should take. So.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Got it. So in a lot of ways, it's almost like the story you hear those people that say never quit, I got ten thousand nose, but I finally got a yes in my career [00:02:00] changed. And then the other part that's like, well, I'm getting a lot of no's. So am I just doing the wrong thing?

 

LaFern Cusack: Exactly.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And why isn't this working out, which we can all relate to? I mean,

 

LaFern Cusack: Exactly.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: We all have different passion projects. Well, Rachel, thank you. Where are you where are you right now?

 

Rachel : I'm in Bovard, North Carolina.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Oh, nice. And so how long you been living in Bovard?

 

Rachel : It's been two years.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so what, what's going on, you you wrote a book, and it's just that's what you really want to get [00:02:30] brought to life and it's not happening.

 

Rachel : Correct, yes, exactly. OK, so I worked on this book like it came to me, the character came to me, I had tried to do more personal essay type writing and a long time ago, and I've done the artist's way several times. And so it came more out of that, like the voice did. And and I used to live in Los Angeles. Anyways, I was there for about 11 years. And [00:03:00] while I was there, I kind of stumbled back upon this writing that I had done and this character. And I thought, let me see if I can keep going with this. And she

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And

 

Rachel : Kept talking.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Who's this character, you say character came to you to talk to me about this character?

 

Rachel : Her name is Charlene Louise Montgomery, and she is a contemporary 90s, contemporary, but southern Appalachian Mountains. She she just is kind of more simple, like she's kind of a simple [00:03:30] person, really. And her whole life has just been filled with abuse like her, her grandfather, her granddaddy, and then her her mother and her mama. She refers to her mama and and then herself, like she just got in the cycle of abuse. And so the novel, basically, it's about her recovering from domestic violence. So she she finds a way out. So anyway, so I, I wrote this book and it's been you know [00:04:00] I showed up and I kept doing it. I kept doing it. And then after about three years, I felt like I had finished the initial copy of it. And and then since then. But then that was a while ago. I have just been like working with copy editors and writing groups and and stuff. And so I, I think I'm done in a way. I'm ready for the next. I need help. Like I need a publisher or an agent or.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so let me let me Charlease [00:04:30] is her name, OK,

 

Rachel : Carling, yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Charlene.

 

Rachel : Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Charlene. So

 

Rachel : Charlie.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Let me can I get personal with you? Can I ask you personal questions?

 

Rachel : Yes, you can, yeah, of

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok.

 

Rachel : Course.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Have you ever been abused?

 

Rachel : Not like she has differently.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, what is different?

 

Rachel : Ok, so she suffered domestic violence, I had an experience of sexual assault and then also I am [00:05:00] in recovery for and I've been a long term recovery person, so I wanted to tell a recovering story, but I didn't want it to be mine exactly. Um, I don't know. Like, I might tell my story at another time. I mean, Charlie, she meets people that I have met on my journey, like people who've suffered really terrible things. So [00:05:30] I've been around women who have had who've been abused in that way, like domestic violence. And I've heard horrible stories. But I wanted to kind of have a little bit I didn't want it to be exactly my story.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I gotcha. So, so this was a way and creative outlet for you also to express the pain that you went through, not identical situations, but taking kind of that pain into creativity and inspiration.

 

Rachel : Yes, and also to be able to [00:06:00] talk about recovery just in a you know, it can go in for many things. It

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Rachel : Has.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And how much do you believe in this book?

 

Rachel : I mean, I love this book, like, I don't, I don't know if it's just for me or if it's other people. I mean, I feel like I want other people to to read it and feel is moved by as I felt when I read Ellen Foster by Kate Given's. So that was the initial that was kind of an, that was a big inspiration [00:06:30] for me. And I was so taken by that book and the character in that book and that experience. And I wanted to do something. I want people to have a similar experience when they read this.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: How great do you think the book is?

 

Rachel : It's called Wild Woman, and I mean, I think it's great, I mean, I think it's a I mean, I don't know I don't know who it's for. I think that's part of it. Like, I don't.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so

 

Rachel : Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I feel, I feel on you, right, because in [00:07:00] a lot of ways, I'm just getting to know you and you're talking to me about this book that you wrote, right?

 

Rachel : Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I just wrote a script. Right, with some writers. And it's part of taking also what I want to say and put it out there. I love it. I'm obsessed with it. I'm like, this is amazing. Right? And the only thing that right off the bat energy wise is you didn't you didn't treat it [00:07:30] like your best friend, you know? And if you were to talk about your best friend.

 

Rachel : Right.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You probably would be complimenting it, you probably would be talking about the heart and soul and you'd have an energy around it, and for some reason you don't have that energy with something

 

Rachel : That

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That you're

 

Rachel : Makes

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So.

 

Rachel : Me sad, I'm sorry, that makes me sad. That's true. OK.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: No, it's OK to cry, you [00:08:00] know, and and why do you think that is?

 

Rachel : I don't know, I think about it, I guess I haven't really thought about it that way.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Talk to me about the characteristics that you've researched of when someone's been abused. How do they respond to the world?

 

Rachel : A lot of times they're like a dissociated, you know, detached. It tends to be [00:08:30] a cycle because there's like a high to it, you know, even when people are to be belittle to feel stuck, victimized tends to repeat itself. And but yet there's also this like kind of you know, there's a high to it in a way. But also just like, you know, I think to there's just this idea that not even like a conscious awareness of no way out, you know,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm hmm. No way out,

 

Rachel : Everything. Yeah. No.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And it's a cycle

 

Rachel : Definitely, [00:09:00] yes,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And

 

Rachel : Michael.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: How'd they break the cycle.

 

Rachel : I mean, for me, the way it was happened, it was just like it was a spiritual awakening. It happened kind of on my behalf. There was this moment of grace and for some reason. You know, for some reason, I, I wanted that thing that I didn't even know could be possible for me. I just [00:09:30] wanted something that was different from what I was when I had. And, like, there's that window and, and then there's always there's people around you, you know, there's other people to help support. So, like, you can't do it alone. We don't do it alone. But yet there's something inside that also has to open up just enough.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Because the way that you kind of describe the book, I mean, not to put it, everything's not the same category, but you're feeling stuck. [00:10:00] There's a little bit of a high to it, but it's kind of a cycle. You

 

Rachel : Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Feel alone in it. You can't figure out a way out in your relationship to it is one that isn't empowering it, holding it

 

Rachel : The.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Loving it, being unconditional with it, being compassionate with it. Right.

 

Rachel : Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And so I wonder if there's something in you that's maybe [00:10:30] it could be the part of the writings of what's inside the book. It could be because it's so personal to you and there's some creative energy around it. But what do you need to do to start building a lot more love and compassion for what you created?

 

Rachel : I mean, I think your question of like or you're comparing it to like, how would I talk about a friend? Because in a way of kind of seeing it as like, oh, it's a creation and maybe it's meant to go out in the world, maybe it's not. [00:11:00] And, you know, it was inspired, but then I'm kind of like sort of also ashamed of it because I'm like, is it good? I'm like, what do I know? And you know, but also is thinking of creative things. It's more like children that were bursting out in the world. But then even talking about is like a friend. I have amazing friendships. I have these wonderful relationships. And when you said that, I know I could talk about my friends. See it keeps making me cry. [00:11:30] And I think if I just tried to even talk about it, an inkling as close to how I would talk about the friendships that I have, even that alone probably would like change something.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: It would it would change

 

Rachel : It

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Your

 

Rachel : Was.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Relationship to it. It would change how you talk about it. It would change the energy to it. Right.

 

Rachel : So.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So I think the one decision to start off making and what we could do is I want [00:12:00] to give you an assignment and then I want to follow up with you after you've done this assignment. And I want you to redefine your relationship to, its Wild Woman right? And I want you to call your best friends and talk to them about, because it feels like you're in this little alone and so you're kind of like creating a cycle for yourself. This is what I see. [00:12:30] I feel like we recreate what's unresolved in us and it can come out on our art. And you have something that tells the story. If you can help one woman get out of abuse, I'm guessing it's all worth it for you. Would that be right?

 

Rachel : Yeah, I mean, I think I would be very humbled by that.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I would first start off with what is this story you're telling yourself honestly [00:13:00] about the book right now? Let's say it's about Wild Woman, that it's not good enough, that it's you know, it's kind of embarrassing, you know, really put down on one side of the paper and you got to get honest with yourself. And it's uncomfortable. But that's what I feel on you, right. Is some of that's living there, which that's all a story like. That's not the facts. You're you're beating up your own art. So on [00:13:30] one side, you want to get really honest. And then on the other side, I want you to look at the facts. Everything's factual. Take the emotion out. Just purely look at the facts, the facts of why you're writing it, the facts of why it's really good, the facts about why this is going to help someone, the facts of why you need to tell the story, because that's the energy that got you initially on this path. And we all do this, by the way. So it's like we lose our purpose [00:14:00] on the path and then all of a sudden, you know, we start putting some janky objects in our backpacks before we know it, we're lost. And then we're like, I don't even know if I like this thing anymore. And and then it's really tough to because we think that based upon someone else's approval, that we need approval and buy in in order for us to feel good about what we created. And that's a story that's not the truth. You know, and [00:14:30] I guarantee you that with a new energy and a new spirit behind it, you're going to end up going down a path with this book that you're really proud of. And so this is what we're going to do. I'm going to be speaking to the next guest, Dwayne, while I'm speaking to Dwayne, I want you to compile two lists on one side. I want it to be the story you're telling yourself about Wild Woman and all the thoughts and feelings you have on the other side. You're [00:15:00] going to put down all the facts.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Then I'm going to hop back on with you and we're going to discuss your list. Sound good? You have any questions on It'a all right. Cool. I'm going to talk to Dwayne now.

 

Rachel : Ok, thank you.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah.

 

LaFern Cusack: So Dwayne is joining us. He's been working as a security guard for over 20 years, which he says is 10 years too long, I believe, and he would like to change, but he has chosen [00:15:30] not to move ahead due to finances and security and just feel stuck. He's a very creative person. He directs, he acts, but he's not sure where he what he wants to do.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

LaFern Cusack: 

 

Coach Mike Bayer: 

 

LaFern Cusack: 

 

Coach Mike Bayer: 

 

LaFern Cusack: 

 

Coach Mike Bayer: 

 

LaFern Cusack: 

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, cool. Hey, Dwain.

 

Dwain: Hello.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So, Dwain,

 

Dwain: Yes.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Talk to me where where are you in the world?

 

Dwain: Right now, I'm in North Hollywood, California.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, and so what in terms of your employment, [00:16:00] one to 10, 10, being that you're in love with it, I know you're not totally happy with where you're at, but how fulfilled are you with ten being? You're so fulfilled.

 

Dwain: Wow, I would say a five.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: A five. OK, and is what's the lowest you've ever been?

 

Dwain: Oh, I had a job that was definitely a zero. Yeah, so [00:16:30] not that

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Dwain: Not

 

Coach Mike Bayer: What

 

Dwain: Particular

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Was that job?

 

Dwain: Job, but one of the jobs I had out here, I was a basically a telephone customer service rep for this place that sent information to actors for auditions so we would receive a call and then they would give us information and we would charge them and send out this information. It was actors or [00:17:00] me being one I know very well actors are very difficult.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So you're doing security now. What do you do, what does security look like for you? Like what is it?

 

Dwain: I worked the overnight shift at a hotel, so the night mostly I tell people no and I'm at a point where I'm tired of being that guy, the guy that has to tell people, no, you can't do this. No, you can't do that. You're too loud.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like, turn down your music and

 

Dwain: Everything. [00:17:30]

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Stuff and.

 

Dwain: Yeah, you're, you're on your phone. In your room. I'm sorry. I know you're not doing anything, but please be a little quieter. You're disturbing the guests next to you and it gets really tiring.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: How long you been that unhappy in your job or not loving your job?

 

Dwain: To be honest, I don't know if I've ever loved it. It was a means to an end. I thought I'd be there a year or two years max and time has a way of clicking [00:18:00] by really quickly. So 10 years went by and in a blink and then, you know, other things changed in my life. And and I just said, OK, well, I guess this I'm just doing this. But now it's been 20 years and you hear that and you go, wow, that's that's a long time to be doing something. So especially when it never was the goal to to do it for 20 years. I mean, [00:18:30] I think I've made the best of the situation, but all good things come to an end and this ain't even a good thing. So it probably should come to an end to.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So why let me ask you why I get it like work like I worked in coffee shops, I was the referee for the YMCA on Saturdays. You know, I I've done overnights, you know, like kind of is like security where had, you know, programs for for people who were going to get incarcerated. And they were kind of walking a fine line [00:19:00] and I did overnights. Right. And you must be an extremely patient person because I think I would have got fired after a month or two because that's actually like, you know, it's not you're dealing with people, at least in your job. You're dealing with people that are probably intoxicated at the time because it's an overnight and telling people know and people wanting to get, you know, run their mouths or whatever, don't want to follow the rules or feeling entitled because they're paying one hundred and fifty bucks a night at a hotel or [00:19:30] whatever. And so why are you doing it? I understand that you're doing it to make money, but there's a lot of different ways to make money. So was it that you were wanting to do this because you thought your acting career wouldn't have taken off or.

 

Dwain: Exactly, and then there was also a period of time where, you know, I had lost my agent and I came to a point where I accepted that because I was working with a theatre company and [00:20:00] that was sustaining me. So the the security job was just that it paid my rent and it kept me fed. And then artistically, I was being fed through the theater company. But now the theater company thing isn't doing anything for me anymore. And so I'm at a new crossroads. It's like, where where do I find that thing that's going to satisfy my soul? I mean, you have [00:20:30] to pay your rent. You have to eat. And so but I don't have anything that's fulfilling me artistically anymore. Really. So.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: What is your personal look like? Are you single or are you in a relationship?

 

Dwain: I am single, probably will be, I think I'm done with all that, so yeah, at one point it is interesting to ask that question because at one point the question in my mind was what [00:21:00] is the important thing that you have to do if you have a wife or you have children? That's something that has some value, some importance.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And.

 

Dwain: Whereas when you're single, there's a there's a whole different thing that there is in your life. I mean, if you don't have a book that you're writing, say, or if you don't have this film idea or a television idea in Los Angeles, then what what is your purpose? So [00:21:30] I guess that's that's also

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Well,

 

Dwain: A question.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: The question, yeah, and the question becomes, are you believing that your acting career, theater days, that that's going to be more hobby and sport rather than career? Right. Or if you're wanting or are you choosing to believe that that is going to be your career?

 

Dwain: Unfortunately, at this point, you never, [00:22:00] never say never, but at this point, I don't know if it's reasonable to believe that it's career. So that that that's what is bringing me to the quandary of 20 years and the security position. Is it time to maybe

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm hmm.

 

Dwain: Pick another job that might provide a little bit better for me in the next 10 years? I'm [00:22:30] getting, I'm not a young lad anymore. I've got some years on me. So you have to start thinking, know, what's retirement going to look like for me?

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Where is your family?

 

Dwain: I have family in Illinois.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok.

 

Dwain: There is a thought. The thought always is in the back of my mind that maybe I should go back, but I don't want to go back and do the same thing there that I'm doing here. If I'm doing that, I [00:23:00] could rather stay here where it's warm, but go

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Right.

 

Dwain: Be cold, so.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So, I mean, there's a few different directions, right? One is if you're pursuing acting and if you're not pursuing acting anymore and giving it your thousand percent. And for some people, you know, there's this kind of like fantasy story of L.A., Hollywood. You know, people are waiting tables and they suddenly end up in a role. You know, I've never met people [00:23:30] like that

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ever. I'm sure they exist. It's also twisted by publicists and stories and optics. And some of it's like it's hard work, right? Like and even, even when you've made it, then you can be not making it a year later. Right. And that and so, you know, if you're not you're in a career right now where you could live anywhere in your living, somewhere with the highest state tax [00:24:00]

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And you're

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Wanting to, you know, here in New York. Right. And I mean, it sounds like what you need to do is reinvent your career. You need to have a big reinvention. It's figuring out sometimes what's adjacent to security or overnights. Right. So, you know, there's different types of jobs that they look at, like how consistent are you with being able to be responsible? Because doing security [00:24:30] for that long means that you're responsible, that you follow rules and you're not going to go sideways on someone. So to me, it's like, what do you want your life to look like a year from now? Because you're not you're just in it and then you're hoping the universe just throws you like a bone. Let me tell you look, I've been on television a lot in the last two years, and I've [00:25:00] and I'm still in this grind and hustle and still where people are like, who's Coach Mike and who's Mike Bayer? And like, it's endless. This like thing that you get in when you're trying to, like, make it as talent. Right. And so I don't get the impression on you that you're like I'm that's it, though. I'm going to play that, you know, aging man. And, you know, and then you're going to all these additions. It sounds like you've been over it for some time.

 

Dwain: Yeah, [00:25:30]

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So you've been over for some time, so you've just got to be real with yourself. You can still be an actor and not be acting in Hollywood. OK, so like that's ninety nine percent of people who live in Hollywood. OK, so you still me an actor, you don't need to take away that. That's a comma in your name of a thousand descriptions. And so if you were to look at your life a year from now, what you know, you like theater, you like [00:26:00] acting, you like creative. What comes to mind for you in terms of like year from now?

 

Dwain: A year from now, um, hopefully theater will be open again a year from now.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: But we both know there's not much money in theater,

 

Dwain: No, no, there's no and

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So

 

Dwain: There's not

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I'm not

 

Dwain: Much

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Saying it can't happen,

 

Dwain: Of

 

Coach Mike Bayer: But I know it's exciting, but we know there's not much money, right?

 

Dwain: That money in that at all, unfortunately. [00:26:30] The other thing is, is that I'm not motivated by money. I know that I need it, you know, but it doesn't motivate me, which I think has is to my own detriment. When you live in a capitalist society. A year from now, I guess.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: But motivate you enough to have a job for the past 10 years that you haven't loved.

 

Dwain: You know, I don't want to sleep in my car.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah, but I'm saying there is motivation [00:27:00]

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like you have, it doesn't mean you need to go, you know, make millions of dollars, you're motivated to make money because you want to be able to take care of yourself.

 

Dwain: Yes, yes, I guess the vision I have for a year from now would be if I start in a really basic level, it would be to be able to sleep at night like a normal person. So if I start there and then I guess I can build up from there, you know, sleeping [00:27:30] at night like a normal person, maybe working in an environment that is creative and in some way that that produces other people's ideas and supportive of those.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: What roughly do security make an hour like, you only tell me what you make, but roughly what do they make?

 

Dwain: I think our starting right now is 15 an

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Dwain: Hour. Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so [00:28:00] if you were to have a creative job that paid you during the week, during the day, fifteen dollars an hour, would you be happy?

 

Dwain: I think so, yeah, I

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You would

 

Dwain: Think so, yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And creatively for jobs. Have you looked at stuff that isn't you being the talent in terms of making money in the creative space?

 

Dwain: Well, that that opens the door [00:28:30] to a whole nother issue that I have. There are certain insecurities that I have about my abilities because I was a one trick pony, I was an actor, and that's all that I ever really thought of doing. So being in any other position other than maybe directing or acting, it always puts me [00:29:00] in a little way in my head like that. I'm not capable of doing that or I'm not computer literate enough. So it's always challenging to get my mind out of.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: No, let me OK, let me help you. Yeah, let me help you redefine you're an artist, you're not an actor, and you have artistic expression and you have a point of view. Who we are is not what we do. Who we are is what people end up being attracted to and why they hire us. You know, [00:29:30] that's like, like I can tell you for me, I was a counselor then I did interventions to work with drug addicts. Then people were like, well, how are you going to help people without being a therapist? I became a coach. Like you transitioned, right? Like you just keep moving around and it's like, you know, I was never an author until I became an author. I was never an author before. I never could write, you know what I mean? So it's like the thing is, you have a story about why [00:30:00] you are not capable or attractive. You have a story that you've been a one trick pony. So I'm going to have to do an exercise and I'm going to and I have Rachel working on her exercise right now. Right. This is the exercise to get a piece of paper and pen out. And also, let me ask you, where did you come up with this thinking that because you haven't done something, that [00:30:30] you wouldn't be great at it?

 

Dwain: You know, I don't know where that that just self-doubt, I guess there's just a lot of self-doubt. I've been I guess it's a blessing and a curse that in my life I have had the opportunity to do what I feel I'm good at most of the time. And [00:31:00] so when I'm put in a position of doing something that's outside of that box, then then there's a lot of self-doubt.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm hmm. So I want you to write down I think I'm trying to go with, like, what's going to be the most helpful awareness for you to have your in your head about it. I can tell you, like we're all artists, all of us living, breathing [00:31:30] artists were formed that have frickin amazing abilities. And for a lot of us, we don't tap into those and we don't do what it is because like you said, it's taking the risk and the risk then is not being good enough. And so we may just end up being, doing the same thing over and over again. I think it would be helpful for you to first write down on one side why you're not good enough, because [00:32:00] I have both you and Rachel do kind of a left side, right side type exercise. So I want you to write down why you're not good enough. What's the story you've been telling yourself? And then on the other side, I want you to write down why you have a good point of view and why what what is it about your point of view that's unique? And how do you look at the world and why you're someone great for someone to hire? You've been around a lot of other guys who are in security. You stayed in it. So what makes you [00:32:30] the person that they're keeping on? It's not because you're just going up there and saying, turn down the noise. Anyone can do that. Right, and you see the rotating door security guards,

 

Dwain: They.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You see them coming in and you're like, I the next guy's in here, you know, and I want you to make those two lists right now. So while you're working on that LFern, what I want to do is once Dwayne's finished [00:33:00] his, then I want to bring all three of us on together. You've got it.

 

Dwain: Well, I got some yeah, enough to work with, I think.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: What do you do

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: If you need more time? This is important and so do you need a little more time. You can take a few more minutes.

 

Dwain: I don't think I'll come up with anything more, but so I think we're good we're good

 

Coach Mike Bayer: We're

 

Dwain: To go.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Good.

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: All right, let's bring on Rachel and [00:33:30] Dwayne together. Hey, we're all here. It's a it's a party. You guys are just missing each other. Rachel, meet Dwayne.

 

Dwain: Hello, Rachel.

 

Rachel : Hi.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So let me ask you both, because you were listening to each other and Dwayne, you were listening to Rachel at first. Any observations, anything, anything you were hearing from her?

 

Dwain: Well, the first thing I thought of was the passion [00:34:00] that you spoke of in terms of that she needed to have for the book, I believe that she has the passion for the book. It felt I felt a similar thing of that self-doubt that that people have. I mean, there are things that I'm really passionate about, but I don't necessarily express it as passionately as I know that I feel it. And the [00:34:30] when she started to cry, I felt the passion that I know that she has within her. And and it has to be in the book. It has to be because she possesses it. And the book came from her. So she just has to find or create the expression of that same thing. And I mean, I don't know how to do that, but I know I felt it in her, whether [00:35:00] she has the ability to express it, that's a whole other story. But I did feel it.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, what did you feel, Dwayne, Rachel?

 

Rachel : Thank you. Thanks, Dwayne. And I felt I thought, well, what I noticed was when you asked him Mike, when he asked you about doubt, Dwayne and asked you, there was some question you asked him specifically or whatever, like where did it come from or what? What what is where is that? Where's the backstory to that self [00:35:30] doubt or whatever? And it might be in your columns, Dwayne, but I noticed you kind of didn't like you didn't quite get there like you didn't, you know what I mean? So,

 

Dwain: Didn't answer the question.

 

Rachel : Yeah, I realized that there was doubt, self doubt and but I thought it was interesting as to like where might have come from. And and it kind of made me sad, like it made me sad that there would be something [00:36:00] that that would give you that like for your whole life, you know what I mean? Because it seems like you have this, you know, talk about my passion, but there's a vibrancy or something to you that is just already you know, we're already hearing, you know what I mean? And so and also to the thing about being in a box and having, like, being in a box. And any time you step out of that box and that's where it kind of shows up. But [00:36:30] then I also thought, oh, you're probably a lot smarter than you think you are. You know what I mean? You probably you're like it's just something about that self doubt coming in. But there's like. I don't know, like you probably have everything you need, but but again, like somehow I think that idea of being a creative person, it lends to when it's expressed in other ways like it [00:37:00] somehow is. I don't know. There's an insecurity there that probably doesn't

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah,

 

Rachel : Get.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I'm with you. Yeah, I think I think I think there's actually some real similarities, and I just wanted you guys to connect first. Rachel, while you read your list, let's hear both sides and let's start off with. But you have.

 

Rachel : So what I'm telling you, so what am I telling myself for real, that it's not as good as it is like the that the book isn't to other people, it's not going to be [00:37:30] as good as I think it is that it's cheesy, like the recovery stories are cheesy, which is sad to say out loud.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah, I mean, gosh, you know, those those comeback stories and those coming from those awful parts in our life, those are just the worst, right. We want to hear those superficial stories all day, don't we?

 

Rachel : Right.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: All right.

 

Rachel : Yeah, so the cheesiness of it also like Southern fiction, like [00:38:00] who really wants to hear about that right now, especially like this girl story in particular, and then also to like, yeah, there's still something around like recovery. And it's not even that it's not just what she went through, because that part, I think people the cynicism or the hardship or the rightness of what she went through and what people have gone through. But it's sometimes, I think when people start to come out of that and there's hope and there's positive [00:38:30] messaging and stuff like that, that's the cheesy part. Somehow that's the part I'm stuck on that would get interpreted as being, you know, people like that. It would get boring

 

Coach Mike Bayer: 

 

Rachel : 

 

Coach Mike Bayer: It cheesy to you?

 

Rachel : That, um, no, not at no. And then then then you get facts.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Give me those facts.

 

Rachel : I'm so bad at facts there, Mike.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Well, yeah, I mean, I could tell because you just told me that a story about [00:39:00] someone surviving sexual abuse is cheesy. I mean, that those are definitely I don't see those in the same sentence, but maybe we have a little difficulty with the facts of what, you know, exist.

 

Rachel : Ok, so one of the facts is I have a completed novel, so I did write the whole thing. It is it is written, it is edited and stuff. I was inspired. The voice did show up. This voice did come to me and [00:39:30] it showed up over time. So it wasn't it kept showing up. The fact is, I do want to inspire others. I've met women in this story. So this is real. Recovery is important to me and that showing that recovery is possible for for people to give you a sense that this is a people don't have to live the way they've lived over and over and over again. And [00:40:00] I love, like Southern fiction literature and I like a sense of place and that people need hope.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Cool, and how do you feel reading the facts?

 

Rachel : I feel better than I did when I wrote him.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, but you feel good. Do you feel good reading the facts? OK, what after reading the facts, what's lurking without anything?

 

Rachel : Not as much.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, how often are you relating to yourselves the facts [00:40:30] of this book day to day?

 

Rachel : I don't I don't know, I mean, I know this is the first time I've been

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I know

 

Rachel : Like.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I was talking with you, don't say this is not a part, this is an important passion project that's so important to you and you're not even giving yourself the facts. You're giving yourself fake news. Legitimate. Right. So what you want to do is you've got to remind yourself of the facts. You [00:41:00] have to force these facts onto you because they're the truth. And so what I want you to do is and you can do it any style you want, these need to hang up around your house. They got to be on your mirror. They could be on your car. They could be like by your pillow. It could be the first thing you do when you wake up some people. I have them reading the facts and reading the rules and they start adding more facts and they start adding more things to it, because the better you feel about it, the better [00:41:30] decisions you're going to make. And the good news is how you, what the facts are about the situation are the truth. So why would we want to navigate life not being in the truth? This is your truth. You deserve to live in this truth and surround yourself with this truth. And when you do that, you'll make decisions when the next time you talk to someone about the book, you're going to be giving them the facts. This hey, listen, right now people are talking [00:42:00] about sexual abuse.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: There's shame in it and especially in the south. And unless it's some headline news story with some famous person, other people's stories aren't being told that. I'm going to tell you the story that needs to be told. I'm going to tell you the story that I need to hear. I'm going to tell you this story because I know firsthand what happens with abuse and let me tell you about it. So it's like that is the compass and that's what needs to carry you and that [00:42:30] spirit you deserve to push through. And there may be that you self publish. It may be that you enter in conversations with an agent, but whatever decision you make with it, the universe will decide it because you're living in your truth. And it's work it is work to get your brain to suddenly think about something differently, because it's very easy, because we spent years, especially when we feel like it's not working and Dwayne has the same experience. [00:43:00] You spend years, believing in something, and it's a lot easier to just believe that than the truth. So I'm telling you, Rachel, my expectation of you, if you want to shift the narrative, this isn't about self publish agents books. This is about your spirit behind it. It's about your spirit with it. And you deserve and this story deserves to be told with that energy.

 

Rachel : Ok, that's [00:43:30] great. That was really great.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That will resonate with you.

 

Rachel : Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, I can still cry because it's yeah, it's it definitely resonates, you

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So what

 

Rachel : Know.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Are you willing to, like, print it out on some, you know, and that's a cool thing. Print it out on some paper, er was it Charlie Sir Charles or

 

Rachel : Charlene.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Bust it out on the paper Charlene would have had it on. But you know, if, if the paper would have smelled like roses, get some [00:44:00] rose paper, live with it, own it, breathe it, be it. You're an artist feel me

 

Rachel : I do.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And that's, that's how you do it. That's how you do this thing. And you know, thank you for being honest. I love mental health. I love recovery. I don't think it's cheesy. I've leaned into that. I find that I get a lot more buy in with who I am. When I talk about my recovery story. I got a lot more buy in when I share what secrets I've been holding on to. And [00:44:30] so I know it can be discouraging and I know it can be distracting, but let's give yourself that truth and let's just keep going with it. So that is my assignment to you moving forward. That's the one decisions you're praying this sucker out and you're putting it all over the place.

 

Rachel : Ok,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: All right,

 

Rachel : Yes, thank

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Rachel : You.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Dwayne, let's hear your list, stay on, Rachel, you're not leaving us, but you say on. All right.

 

Dwain: Ok, why am I not good enough, especially when it comes to looking [00:45:00] for another job? I feel that I have limited computer skills, kind of illiterate. Everything is on the computer now. So that makes me real nervous, not a lot of experience

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Hold on

 

Dwain: Outside.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Hold on

 

Dwain: I'm

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Just on

 

Dwain: Sorry.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That point, I have to jump in. You saw me a little while. I couldn't figure out the headphones. I literally have someone at my house helping me with the headphones. Right. But

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Go on with your need to be literate with computers story.

 

Dwain: Yeah, well,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I'm [00:45:30] listening.

 

Dwain: Not a lot to experience outside of theater, so when it comes to listing things that you've done, your abilities, I haven't been able to in my head figure out how to convert. You know what being a director is, how that could convert to something in corporate America or whatever. And as Rachel pointed out, [00:46:00] I don't feel very intelligent half of the time. So that's, that's the list of why I'm not good enough.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And what decisions are you making because of that thinking?

 

Dwain: That that's what's got me stuck, I mean, it's clear as day to me.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah, and how often and how let's just say, I mean, it's really hard to measure, but in terms of the current of your thinking, like how much of you has been telling [00:46:30] yourself this story?

 

Dwain: Yeah, all of my stuff.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like 90 percent,

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: 50

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Percent.

 

Dwain: It's I would say 90 easy. Yeah, yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Did you go to college or

 

Dwain: I did, I did,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Where did you go?

 

Dwain: I went to Northwestern University.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Oh, that's hard. That's a good school, I think I got denied access to Northwestern University. I only got to college because of basketball, you know.

 

Dwain: Yeah, [00:47:00] well,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Wow.

 

Dwain: I was there's, there's, there's two sides to that, though I was surrounded by some very smart people. So if you have any doubt, then when you're surrounded by very smart people, it makes you question your intelligence even more. So,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok,

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Well, yes, that's a story.

 

Dwain: Yeah, I'm [00:47:30] using that from now on, I'm

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Well,

 

Dwain: Stealing that.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That's

 

Dwain: Well,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: A

 

Dwain: That's

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Start.

 

Dwain: A story. Yeah, yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah,

 

Dwain: That that's a version of

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah, yeah,

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That sounds

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like a story with a good ending.

 

Dwain: I'm stealing it.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so that's it. So basically you're not smart enough, you're not good enough. You don't have computer skills. You know, you don't know how to Excel spreadsheets or whatever job this thing is that needs all these specialized forms in order to [00:48:00] operate. And and and you say, OK,

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok.

 

Dwain: Now the flip side of that. I do feel that there are things in my life experience that are of value. I did a for a while, I was doing diversity training across the country. That was a very good experience. I really enjoyed that. I [00:48:30] think that I adapt really well to environments. I think that has something to do with why I was been able to stay at a hotel for 20 years. I've had numerous bosses during that time and I've and everybody manages

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm

 

Dwain: Differently.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Hmm.

 

Dwain: I've been able to negotiate that and still stay in good standings. I think that I possess a lot of empathy [00:49:00] for people in situations. I think that's also helped because we get a lot of homeless to come through the hotel sometimes, which can be challenging to deal with because I have a job and that's to get them out. But

 

Coach Mike Bayer: How long

 

Dwain: Then.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Have you been at this one job?

 

Dwain: At the hotel

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yeah.

 

Dwain: 20 years.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Same hotel.

 

Dwain: Same hotel.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, your loyal.

 

Dwain: It's two miles from my house, so [00:49:30] so there's the convenience factor that you can't take out of

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Yes,

 

Dwain: There.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Because, because other people who live two miles from their hotels are also working there for 20 years.

 

Dwain: It's a story,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: It's a story that's a story, too.

 

Dwain: Right?

 

Coach Mike Bayer: That's a bad one, too. That that's like a story that doesn't even like I was like, why has that dot even connects? Like like I can be [00:50:00] like a block from somewhere. And I think when I worked at coffee shops, I lived like two blocks from Caribou Coffee in Minnesota, and they only kept me for six months. All right. So your your your you have a good point of view. You have compassion. You have empathy. Tell me why you're an artist. Tell me tell me about your life. Create your expression, your point of view.

 

Dwain: Well, I think the importance of theater and acting and all that stuff is because we're the storytellers, it's [00:50:30] where we help society move forward when it's done well. And that's why I got involved in it, you know, to to help move us along, help us be more human.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, well, that was a very PC answer, I hear you. You like storytelling, but there must be a lot of excitement in it, too, for you. You must love to create or be a part [00:51:00] of creation's or.

 

Dwain: Yeah, well, I know it sounded PC, but it's that's the honest answer. I mean, the creative process of, of the rehearsals and all that stuff, that's the, the feeding of the spirit part

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm

 

Dwain: Of

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Hmm.

 

Dwain: It. And then on the other end, when it's produced and it's and you reach out to the audience, hopefully, like [00:51:30] I said, it helps move things

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Let

 

Dwain: Forward.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Me ask you a question, if you can get the same amount of money working during the day and work in entertainment, would you be how happy would you be?

 

Dwain: Entertainment.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Mm hmm. The arts entertainment.

 

Dwain: Yeah, yeah, excuse me. At least seventy five percent happy

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, you'll be a lot happier.

 

Dwain: And then currently, yes, yes.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Ok, so I think your challenge [00:52:00] and and I said it's funny because you say that's the story is you've developed a lot of stories and and I think they're really real to you and it's based upon what you've experience. But I'm telling you, I listen, I've employed hundreds of people through the years. I've consulted for a lot of businesses. Some jobs require talent. The majority require heart. Talent, anyone [00:52:30] can be talented. Talented is just part of it. It's why you'll see so many people who are successful at that. They're gifted as kids and they don't end up anywhere later on is because they didn't have the heart. They have the compassion, they didn't have the empathy. They didn't have the other skill set. So I think you're placing value with your job and employment kind of back to what we learned back in the day of like, you know, well, they're not going to hire you unless your resume is the right type of way. [00:53:00] When really to me, like, I don't and I'm just this isn't to to make you feel better about it, but you've worked somewhere for 20 years and there's a reason you've been able to maintain a job for 20 years and you're good at it, is the sense I'm getting. You believe you're good at security,

 

Dwain: Yeah,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Right.

 

Dwain: Yeah, yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: And you were never doing security before and [00:53:30] you're scared to get yourself in a new situation. And the good thing is you can and you're not doing it. So the decision we want to make is going towards what you actually what would get it to seventy five percent instead of not liking it at all. Right. And I'm more than happy to offline off this. If you do this, I'll talk to you offline. I'll continue this conversation is [00:54:00] get what I would want is get your resume together, which really is, and then you want to tweak it. Right. So you want to put different components about like, you know, everyone kind of heightens their stuff. But you need you need to start putting yourself out there. You got to start testing the waters. You know, it's really easy for people right now to believe, well, covid hit. So, you know, there's just not jobs available. It's like, yeah, don't surround yourself with those people. Because [00:54:30] those people are going down the drain and they're going to feel a lot of weight and they're going like this and right now is such an opportunity for you. There's so many jobs. You're in Hollywood. Initially, I was thinking, oh, I don't know, move with your family. You know, taxes suck here. But the reality is you're not giving yourself a shot.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: So what I would want you to do is I would want you to contact 10 places looking for employment with the spirit [00:55:00] of why you have heart and why you're great. And that being the only motivation, it's the motivation of every time you reach out and all 10 may say we're not hiring. But what I want to do is I want to talk to you about what are you saying to yourself after all, that is the script. So the same does anything change for you? Because my gut is in a very short period of time. I'd say a month and a half or less. You would have a new job working [00:55:30] during the day and you'd be you'd be in something that you love. So the first step that I want you to do is put together your resume. You're going to call ten places because I'll help you as long as you're digging into it. Right. Otherwise, it's like I'm not going to write you to call ten places when you call the 10 places you can be. I'd like to hire the right now there's like production assistant. There's jobs and, you know, for producers, there's jobs. For filmmakers, there's jobs for [00:56:00] talent. And look, some of them may suck, so you may not want to do it.

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like, I don't know who the heck wants to work for an agency I could never. I'd be like, I'd rather work in a coffee shop, you know, because you're just selling all day. And it's very weird to me, like the energy of it by my own bias. Right. That's the story.

 

Dwain: Yeah.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: But that's what I want you to do I want you get your resume together because you need a push, that's the sense I get on you right now is you need a bit of a push. This is 20 years of thinking, [00:56:30] a certain type of way and I'm willing to help you first push, get the resume today, call places starting next week, and then either I'll talk to you offline or we'll hop on a call again and I think in a very short period of time, you'll have a new job you believe me?

 

Dwain: I believe you, yes, believing

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You don't

 

Dwain: In

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Have

 

Dwain: Me,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: To, but there you with me

 

Dwain: Believe

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Like.

 

Dwain: Believing me is is is the thing I need to do.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: I got you, [00:57:00] so I'm gonna.

 

Dwain: The

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Hold your hand a little through this and walk you through it so that you can really see how capable you are because like someone like you makes a great person to hire. You have characteristics of someone that, like, I don't work in I don't have jobs right now. But those characteristics that you're describing and my vibe on you, that's who people want to hire. So you're making the one decision to do a resumé and call templates. That's your decision right

 

Dwain: That's

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Now,

 

Dwain: My decision. [00:57:30]

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Leaving this call. That's your one decision, Rachel, is one decision is to put the facts around her, wake up with it, breathe it, live it. Does this sound like a decision you both can make?

 

Dwain: Yes.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: All right, well, thank you guys for coming on, Always Evolving. Never, we don't know where we go on this journey, but I think we ended up in a good spot.

 

Dwain: Yes, thank you,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You

 

Dwain: Mike.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Guys do you guys have anything else to say before we go?

 

Dwain: I just [00:58:00] want to say all the best to you, Rachel. I'm sure that your book will be great.

 

Rachel : Same to you I can't wait to hear what your next adventure is. Thank you, Mike.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Thank

 

Dwain: Thank you,

 

Coach Mike Bayer: You.

 

Dwain: Mike.

 

Coach Mike Bayer: Thanks for listening. Always evolving, and thank you so much to Rachel and Duane for being honest. I know that some of you could probably relate to aspects or a lot of their stories. And if you are wanting to stay connected to me, make sure to text me at three [00:58:30] one zero nine eight four, 1858, if you receive this phone number three one zero nine eight four eighteen fifty eight by listening to the podcast. Text me the word podcast. Some of you have been doing that. I've been responding and we'll stay connected. I have my empowerment group every Tuesday. It's free. You can go to Coach Mike Bayer dot com for more details. And please, if you are wanting to learn how to make a decision in your own life, in your own next step, make sure to pick up a copy [00:59:00] of One Decision, the first step to a better life. It's available on all platforms. Available for preorder coming out December 29th until next time. Keep it magical. The Always Evolving with Coach Mike Bayer podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a replacement or a substitution for any professional, medical, financial, legal or other advice, diagnosis or treatment. [00:59:30] This podcast does not constitute the practice of medicine or any other professional service. The use of any information provided during this podcast is at the listeners own risk. For medical or other advice appropriate to your specific situation please consult a physician or other trained professionals.