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Jessica Simpson's Secrets to Happiness

02/18/20

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(Z-61049V) CM1002 COACH MIKE BAYER PODCAST: JESSICA SIMPSON

 

(START OF PODCAST)

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: This is The Coach Mike Podcast, I am so excited because I have the superstar Jessica Simpson as our first guest to kick things off—cannot get better than that.

JESSICA SIMPSON: That is very exciting; I feel very honored. First?

MIKE: First.

JESSICA: I’m your first?

MIKE: First.

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

(OPENING THEME)

MIKE: So welcome to The Coach Mike Podcast…

JESSICA: Thank you so much for having me.

MIKE: …I feel privileged…

JESSICA: Thank you.

MIKE: …because I heard that this is the only podcast you’re doing for Open Book as of now.

JESSICA: I mean, as of now it’s definitely my first…

MIKE: (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: …and, and I love podcasts so especially inspirational ones.

MIKE: Yeah, and I love your book…

JESSICA: Thank you.

MIKE: …and your book, your book could have been 20 books.

JESSICA: It really could, I mean, it really…

MIKE: If it was a buffet, it would be the real buffet.

JESSICA: Yeah. (LAUGHS)

MIKE: It’s got so much to it…

JESSICA: It does, it does…

MIKE: …and it’s um, everything from jokes, uh, to jumping for Jesus…

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

MIKE: …to, to sadness…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …to you getting really honest and uh, I really appreciate you writing this book. It’s gonna help millions of people…

JESSICA: I really hope so. I really hope so. Thank you.

MIKE: And being that you didn’t have to do this…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …you didn’t have to write a book—why’d you do it?

JESSICA: Well in my heart I felt like I had to. (LAUGHS)

MIKE: Okay.

JESSICA: Um, it really was like, for me I just wanted um, my words out there to be understood. I wanted, like, as a person, you know that’s on a platform. I wanted to be able to use my voice and use my mistakes and use the pain and show that there’s beauty on the other side and I just wanted to be as authentic and as real and human as possible because, you know, that’s what the reality show had done for me. Like I was basically like sittin’ on the couch with everybody in their homes…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …and, and I realize that that’s what people really want from me. They want the honest truth and they, they want that vulnerability from me.

MIKE: And, was there anything that you, you were like, “This cannot go in the book”? You initially wrote it and you’re like…

JESSICA: No, no—I, I was pretty honest about everything.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: Um, there was nothing in my life and I, you know, um, not in my past relationships but like, with, you know, my parents and everybody—everybody was like all my friends, they were reading chapters as they were being written and…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …I just wanted to make sure that the people in my life were being protected and that they felt, you know, connected to it which they did and there was nothing that they needed to take out.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: So that made me feel good.

MIKE: And, and you know, I’m sober myself so I’m coming up on 18 years…

JESSICA: Congratulations.

MIKE: Thank you. And I own a treatment center…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …for the past 14.

JESSICA: That’s amazing.

MIKE: It’s called CAST Centers.

JESSICA: Wow.

MIKE: And uh, what I admire is I always say “Recovery’s a loose garment…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …everyone has a different fit.”

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: Talk to me about your fit.

JESSICA: My fit, um, was a lot of therapy.

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: Um, for me, giving up the alcohol was the easy part because I was mad at it.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: Um, I didn’t realize for so long that it was actually blinding me in so many ways and it was having me cover up and it, like a lot of things in my life and not being honest with myself and it’s causing actually more anxiety that I thought I was trying to suppress. And so when I came to that, like, realization…

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …um, that it actually kept me very stuck in, um, in a very, you know, dark place that I could not get out of. Once I freed myself from it, I was mad at it and I was done with it. So really just sticking with the therapy and the tools that I have for anxiety, which are like going on long walks with my husband and just…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …like, he has no judgment, um, just as a therapist would. Um, I just kind of ramble thoughts and he lets them go and um, just somehow he can like, let, I, let me talk without a filter and…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …still…

MIKE: No judgment…

JESSICA: Yeah, and still…

MIKE: …and he loves you for you.

JESSICA: He loves me for me and he loves me for my vulnerability and my bravery and my honesty and if my perspective is off on things, you know, he knows how to help me get back on the right track into my thought process and to the reason why I’m doing what I’m doing and to not have discouragement.

MIKE: So what, what’s something that you and Eric—’cause I, I’ve met your husband…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …and he’s great.

JESSICA: He is!

MIKE: He is a superstar in your life…

JESSICA: Yes, he is. He is the superstar in my life.

MIKE: He is the superstar in your life. So what, what do you love about him as a father?

JESSICA: I mean, as a father, I mean, it’s sexy as heck, I will say. Um, he is I mean, he gives his all. Even when he’s exhausted somehow, like, he, like our son is always like, “Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!” constantly…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …and, and somehow it just never frustrates Eric, you know? He’s just very calm and he understands that he’s needed and he knows how to be present with the children and he knows how to teach them like…

MIKE: How did you, like, the thing is—how’d you, I know your opening night when you met, but if you look at the series of relationships you had…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …and then you end up with Eric…

JESSICA: Yeah (LAUGHS). I needed some…

MIKE: For, for anyone out there who’s, you know, they’ll have, they’ll say, “Oh, I have the wrong picker” or “I’m not picking the right people” wh-I didn’t think…

JESSICA: Well maybe you’re not…

MIKE: Maybe you aren’t…

JESSICA: Maybe you aren’t …

MIKE: But how did this…

JESSICA: Yet, I mean, for me, I thought that I wanted, I—I was attracted to saving people…

MIKE: Mmm…

JESSICA: …and I, being a preacher’s daughter and always being a leader in my life and to my calling and being on a public platform I always felt like, you know, I was attracted to people that needed light and that they were dark and all they needed was some faith and, um, some understanding of, of how to be happy and I thought that I could bring that into…

MIKE: Into a relationship…

JESSICA: …a relationship but I realized that we could only do that for ourselves. It took me a long time to realize it and it took me a lot of heartbreak, even…

MIKE: Was there a moment of clarity for you when you realized that?

JESSICA: Um, well I just, I realized that I wasn’t being loyal to myself, that I was losing my light, that I was giving away too much of my light to cover their darkness and they were taking it from me. And um, when I felt myself all of a sudden with the lights dim, I was lost.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: And um, I needed to find my way back to myself and for me, um, before I met Eric, I had to just disconnect from all the heartbreak in my life and disconnect from the people that, you know, I felt needed saving and look inward and learn how to really love and appreciate myself for who I am and the woman that I want to be. And then…

MIKE: So what do you—just jumping on that—what do you love to do with Eric the most?

JESSICA: I mean we’re, we’re best friends so, I mean…

MIKE: It’s anything.

JESSICA: It’s anything as literally like, we can binge-watch something…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …and like, or we can watch like an amazing documentary and even have different view and like, you know, talk about it and then somehow end up…having the same view?

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: (LAUGHS) You know, because we really listen to each other and I think that’s really important in relationships if, if you’re doing all the talking…

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …you know, you’re not listening to another person’s perspective and um, vice versa. So, I think that, you know, if you find a partner that you really wanna listen to and that really is saying something that’s meaningful…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …and coming from the same place that you’re coming from, um, it makes conversation a beautiful thing.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: Um, that, that’s very powerful in our life and we are just connected like mind, body and soul and um, that I never had with anyone that, like spiritual connection through even like lovemaking, making babies kind of love…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …and, um, just through amazing conversation and through um, just being there for each other no matter what and loving each other just as much as we did the day we met. Like…

MIKE: I…

JESSICA: …somehow it was just like immediate.

MIKE: And I, that’s what I love about your story is, you know, there’s a lot of people listening who struggle.

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: Who, who’ve maybe been in relationships that haven’t worked out, and they start to internalize it and blame themselves.

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: And the fact that you’re in a relationship with a man…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …who you deeply love, he deeply loves you, he quit drinking the day you quit drinking…

JESSICA: Yes he did.

MIKE: And uh, is there anything you miss about the days? Like I know for me, not that I miss being a hot mess, right?

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

MIKE: And, and I don’t, but it’s like, there’s certain moments, right?

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: There’s certain trigger we have, you know, for people to quit smoking it can be after a cup of coffee…

JESSICA: Right.

MIKE: …right? Is there any moments for you where you’re like, “Oh gosh, I kind of miss it”?

JESSICA: No.

MIKE: Never.

JESSICA: Not yet. I mean, and it’s, almost two and a half years…

MIKE: Wow.

JESSICA: …so…

MIKE: And do you still have, so you describe that you always drink out of a sparkle cup…

JESSICA: Well yeah, I make everything fancy…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: It wasn’t to hide it. I was never the person that would like hide their drinks. I mean, I would tell people that I was pouring it, you know?

MIKE: But like, did, did the sparkle cups have like an RIP party…

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

MIKE: …where it was like…

JESSICA: Yes they did.

MIKE: They did?

JESSICA: Yes.

MIKE: Are there still sparkle cups in the house?

JESSICA: No, there is not.

MIKE: Oh, they’re gone.

JESSICA: Yeah, they’re gone.

MIKE: ’Cause you cleared out the alcohol and the sparkle cups.

JESSICA: And the sparkle cups.

MIKE: That’s awesome!

JESSICA: Yeah. ’Cause I had…

MIKE: You got rid of all of it.

JESSICA: …anything that would like, remind me…

MIKE: Yep.

JESSICA: …of that, like, it would just bring me down.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: So I had to rid myself of it…completely but, you know, once I started being comfortable in it, then I was fine. You know I, one thing that I didn’t like, um, while getting sober was everybody was so weird around me. They were like, “Uh…” like they couldn’t be themselves…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …around me, I’m like “Please! Have the drink! I don’t want it. I promise!”…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …you know? And, but they were trying to be supportive but they were also tiptoeing around me…

MIKE: Acting so weird.

JESSICA: …but I am very conscious of that and so when somebody’s not being themselves around me it makes me feel uncomfortable…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …so really that makes me feel more uncomfortable. I’d much rather people be drinking around me than not…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …’cause I want them to be authentic and be themselves and not change to be around me because that, that for me, it just feels like they’re pitying me…

MIKE: Mm hmm.

JESSICA: …in some way. And so um, now we have parties at our house and we still have alcohol and that type of thing but, um, for me it’s never been something that I’ve wanted to go back to.

MIKE: Do you celebrate your two years sober? Do you have a sober…

JESSICA: No, I don’t have, like, coins—I don’t even have, I know the dates…

MIKE: You don’t have sober parties?

JESSICA: I, I don’t, I have a sober party but I couldn’t tell you—I know it’s something like two and a half years but…

MIKE: Yeah, yeah.

JESSICA: …I don’t, yeah, I don’t have like that reminder, like at the beginning it was like, “Oh my gosh—it’s been 30 days”…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …or “Oh my gosh…

MIKE: Can’t believe it.

JESSICA: …like, oh okay, this is what they’re talking about at 90 days or something.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: But then I lost track.

MIKE: Right. And did um, what’s the biggest surprise to being a mom?

JESSICA: Well, being a mother is very, you know, challenging. It is because you want to be the best that you possibly can be and you wanna, you have to bite your tongue sometimes…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …and you have to, you know, you know, you have to get on their level to really understand but really I think our children are so much wiser than us. You know, if I could go back to being a child and having that child-like faith and that’s what I’ve tried to rediscover through my journey of sobriety is all the, the childlike faith that I have without the judgment, because I grew up very southern Baptist, but, ’cause I didn’t start drinking until I was 21, so I was legal.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: You know, um, and like, my parents, or any-like we, we didn’t drink at all.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: Um, so when we did, then it was like, you know, I mean, it just kind of all like, started to escalate and we were having fun and, and Eric and I, like, we had a lot of fun.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: You know, I mean, I’m not mad at our experiences together and we were madly in love with each other through it all, but I have to say that sex is so much better sober.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: (LAUGHS) You feel…

MIKE: You can remember it…

JESSICA: …it a lot more.

MIKE: …your partner can function…

JESSICA: Yes.

MIKE: The breadth is better…

JESSICA: The breadth is way better.

MIKE: And the movements aren’t as sloppy. (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: No, no.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

MIKE: You, you got really honest—why, why did you feel the need to um, to talk about all the events that happened in your child-what’s your hope by talking about the events in your childhood?

JESSICA: About sexual abuse?

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: Um, well, I um, was about five or six when it started and um, it was with um, a girl that my age who was actually being abused, um, in a much more intense way. Um, but I tried to protect her through it even though I was being abused and I really wanted to speak out about it as a parent because I, it’s very important to know that some of the closest people in your life you need to keep a watch on...

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …because you don’t know what’s happening in other people’s families.

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: And um, it, it was, I really wanted to speak on it because my daughter is at the age where I was being, you know, sexually abused and, and I can’t even imagine that happening to her and that, I just wanted mothers and fathers to realize that, you know, it can happen to anyone, even though you think you’re fiercely protecting them, um, it just sometimes can happen when you don’t, when the…

MIKE: And what do you…

JESSICA: …lights are off.

MIKE: …what do you think the signs are?

JESSICA: Um…

MIKE: For a parent to know, you know, and if…

JESSICA: …for a parent to know, I think you have to talk to your children about it. I think that it’s important to say that nobody should be touching you in this way, um, if they ever come at you and say they wanna play doctor or you want, you know, this is, this is not a good situation to be in…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …you always have to tell Mommy and Daddy if somebody ever tries to touch you and I know that’s uncomfortable thing for some parents to talk to their children about but the earlier you talk to your children about it, the, the easier it is for them to be honest with you.

MIKE: Well you talked about when you told your parents which, it seems like it was really uncomfortable for them…

JESSICA: Yes.

MIKE: …even though you won $1500.

JESSICA: I did.

MIKE: (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: I won the lottery right after I told it…

MIKE: Will you tell…

JESSICA: …to, to my parents but I…

MIKE: …that story of what happened?

JESSICA: I could have told them earlier but I, I waited until I was 12 and it was just all so much shame and I was just…

MIKE: It had gone on for six years…

JESSICA: It could have gone on for six years and I just couldn’t, I wasn’t strong enough to handle it anymore.

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: And I knew it needed to stop and um, I was feeling guilty about it and being a preacher’s daughter like, I didn’t know that, at that, I thought my parents would be like, you know, you know, I thought it was a sin, I thought I was gonna go to hell or something, you know?

MIKE: Right. Oh yeah…

JESSICA: So…

MIKE: …it’s terrifying.

JESSICA: Yeah, and I lived in this like glass fishbowl as a child…

MIKE: And you were probably feeling guilty, like, what did you do?

JESSICA: I was feeling guilty because it was like a lot of, you know, it was a lot of like sexual things and sexual feelings that no child should be going through and I didn’t want my parents to feel guilt but there came a time where I had to stand up for myself and um, my parents really didn’t know what to say and my sister was in the car with us. She had her headphones on and I’m just kind of the person that blurts something out. (LAUGHS)

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: And I um, I just said it, like…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …I was just like, “Okay,” like “God give me the strength…” you know?

MIKE: And why that day? Like, what—was it just a buildup or like…

JESSICA: It had just happened.

MIKE: It just happened…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …but this time it was like, “Enough is enough”…

JESSICA: This time it was very, very dark and I just felt, um, pinned down and I just felt anxious and I didn’t know what to do and it was time to tell my parents because I knew they would stop it. In that moment I was old enough to realize that it wasn’t my fault. And my parents were strong enough to realize that it, that they could stop it and in the moment that I told them they didn’t say anything but their, they immediately, their actions took, you know, they, took over and I never was there again.

MIKE: Were you hoping they’d talk to you about it at that time? Were you hoping to kind of…

JESSICA: No, because it, it was uncomfortable and, um, I, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I mean, this was definitely the way for me and the best way my parents could handle it…

MIKE: Mm hmm.

JESSICA: …was to take me away from it and I, if I were to…I wish I were to have known sooner that that’s all that it took…

MIKE: Mmm…

JESSICA: …you know? Was just to talk openly about it to my parents…

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: …you know? And that they weren’t, it wasn’t about judgment and that I could be honest and um, and I was 12 years old so I was a little bit older than when I was confused when I was six or seven.

MIKE: Yeah. I mean you’re, you’re so brave to talk about it. Most—you didn’t need to include it in your book, you didn’t have to tell that story because you have a lot of stories…

JESSICA: Yeah, I have a lot of stories but I didn’t…

MIKE: …you chose to put in a story…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …that a lot of people feel shame and guilt around…

JESSICA: And they still hold onto it and that’s a lot of the reason why people will do have issues with substances and they do try to numb themselves from these experiences they’ve had, but I think that once you have clarity on them and once…

MIKE: Mm hmm.

JESSICA: …you can forgive yourself and once you can forgive what’s happened to you, you can move forward and try to make a change in other people’s lives and find some sort of positivity um, in the pain…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …um, and know that you can be an advocate for helping others.

MIKE: You, you are an advocate…

JESSICA: Thank you.

MIKE: …because you’re taking it from the darkness, even, of the experience. You’re bringing it to the light and that light is what people listen to.

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: And people will read your book and hear the story and they’re gonna start asking everything.

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: And it…

JESSICA: And that’s good, that’s exactly what I wanted.

MIKE: And you’re gonna have people who now who are older who are now gonna tell their parents…

JESSICA: Good. Yes…

MIKE: …and they’re gonna go to therapy.

JESSICA: Yes, and, and a lot of the in-stores that I’ve been doing and meeting people that weren’t even my fans but just read this one excerpt from the book, they’re there and they’re saying, “I’m talking to my daughters about this tonight” and, you know, it’s, it’s really powerful because I’ve had people come up to me, like, “I wanna tell you that I need to stop drinking before I tell my parents.”

MIKE: Mmm…

JESSICA: And these are grown adults, you know? And it’s like, you know, just by me being open it’s allowing people to open their own doors…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …and to walk through them.

MIKE: And do you feel like since you’ve gotten sober the voices around like, body image and anxiety, like, has that quieted more, or…?

JESSICA: It definitely is quieted more but I mean, I am only human…

MIKE: Mmm…

JESSICA: …of course. And I still have anxiety about things and I still, you know, um, can look in the mirror and not see perfection by any means. Um, and we all, I mean, I’m just like everybody else in that regard and I have to do it publicly…

MIKE: Me too. So trust me, I mean…

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: …so what do you do—what is it, what is the kind of tool that you have for dealing with anxiety for yourself?

JESSICA: It’s really connecting with myself through writing. It’s, the journaling for me has been a huge part of understanding myself and forgiving myself and, like I can let words out without judgment over myself. And the thing is that when we judge ourselves we close off so much and I think that um, when we are free to just be open to who we are—there’s so much more acceptance in that…

MIKE: Mmm…

JESSICA: Especially nowadays and um, you know, it doesn’t all have to be hidden in secrets will eat us alive…

MIKE: Secrets keep us sick.

JESSICA: …and they—they keep us really sick and I think that once we, you know, you know, talk through those secrets, even if it’s talking through them with yourself…

MIKE: Mm hmm.

JESSICA: …um, there’s a lot of power in that.

MIKE: And do you think it’s—this is just a random question I’m curious about then we’re gonna do “The Universe Decides Wheel” which is super random questions.

JESSICA: Okay.

MIKE: Um—do you think that, um, entertainment and the pressures of being in entertainment make it harder for someone to be really honest about their lives?

JESSICA: Um…it could but it shouldn’t.

MIKE: Shouldn’t.

JESSICA: It shouldn’t because, you know, you were blessed with the platform that you have, a reason, and to use it for something good like activism, whatever it may be, leadership or, you know, openness awareness, um, I think that that’s the reason why we’re here. Like, with whether it’s with acting and you’re moving somebody through a movie role or…

MIKE: Mm hmm.

JESSICA: …whether you’re writing music and touching people’s hearts and pulling them out of the darkness, um, there’s so many ways in which we can inspire others.

MIKE: And, any part of the book that you ab-I know you prob-you love you the whole book, as another author…

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

MIKE: …I know you—it’s like, I mean I’ve never given birth…

JESSICA: (LAUGHS)

MIKE: …but everyone says giving…

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: …doing a book is like giving birth. It’s a lot…

JESSICA: It is! It feels like I had baby number four really soon after baby number three, so…

MIKE: It, and then baby number four—is there any moment where you’re thinking about the book. I know when I, I wrote a book there were certain moments where I was like, “I love that part of the book”—do you have anything like that where you’re like, “That part of the book…”

JESSICA: Well, um, I mean, there’s, there’s a lot of places that make me feel free, you know?

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: Um, and one of the times where it was like, where I was just like, I’m the kind of person that’s like, “Oh! Like…I know that if I just make this decision and follow my heart that I’ll get something in return.”

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: Like, no matter what it is and through my divorce, um, a long time ago, I was like, “Okay, maybe I should have signed a prenup and…

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …um, there’s a funny part in the book where it was like, “I know I will make this back, give or take a billion.

MIKE: (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: (LAUGHS) And that part just makes me giggle because nobody believed me that I could make that money back but I was like, “Trust me, I will make that money back…”

MIKE: No, it’s unbelievable, the, the amount of reinventions you’ve done in your career…

JESSICA: Mm hmm.

MIKE: …are unbelievable.

JESSICA: Well, I really do have faith in myself, you know? And I really do believe that one we surrender to something, to better ourselves, that we will get something back…

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …in return. It doesn’t have to be financial. I mean, we will get happiness back. We will, you know, or happiness for the first time…

MIKE: Mmm.

JESSICA: …by letting go of something.

MIKE: And it seems like you have a lot of the happiness through your friends, through your family. I mean, you have a lot of friends…

JESSICA: I do. Well—you know, I really have like a close-knit group of friends. I mean, I am still guarded but, um…but I’m pretty darn honest…

MIKE: Yeah.

JESSICA: …you know? And I have always been that way and I think that’s why people can relate to me because they’re just like “Oh, I go through that, too! …

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: … And I love that she can talk about that and…but she’s famous” and, you know it’s like, it’s a really cool thing that people actually connect with me and feel like they’re my best friend because I’m sharing with them like they are my best friends.

MIKE: Yeah. Well let’s end this with the Wheel.

JESSICA: Okay.

MIKE: So “The Universe Decides Wheel”—you basically spin it…

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: …and on it are different things that are just random questions from some fans.

JESSICA: Okay.

MIKE: So click spin.

JESSICA: Okay, where’s that…oh, “spin it”.

(WHEEL SPINS)

MIKE: All right, the question is…

JESSICA: “One thing worth (line)…”

MIKE: (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: What does that mean? (LAUGHS)

MIKE: This called an “epic fail” on the Coach Mike podcast.

JESSICA: I know I just wrote a book, but that is not, like, a complete question!

MIKE: I think we eliminate that one. That definitely was not a complete question. Do maybe one more spin…

JESSICA: Okay, all right…

MIKE: No, but knowing you’re lucky you had to choose the one that made absolutely no sense.

JESSICA: (LAUHGS) Okay spin it…

(WHEEL SPINS)

JESSICA: Oh no…

MIKE: “Do you have a celeb impersonation?”

JESSICA: Mmm… “All righty then!” (LAUGHS)

MIKE: (LAUGHS)

JESSICA: That’s the only thing I could think of—Jim Carrey!

MIKE: Jim Carrey! All right, and…

JESSICA: And that was a horrible impersonation.

MIKE: I had to look around but we got it and the last time—one last spin…

JESSICA: Okay.

(WHEEL SPINS)

MIKE: All right—what do you TV binge watch?

JESSICA: TV binge watch…I mean a lot. Um, eee…

MIKE: “Jessica Simpson TV watches…binge watches… with her husband…”

JESSICA: Oh, with my husband?

MIKE: Please.

JESSICA: I don’t think he’d wanna be counted in that, (LAUGHS), uh, he normally falls asleep during binge-watching.

MIKE: Oh, okay.

JESSICA: Uh, gosh, what have I binge-watched? I mean I watched a lot of doctors shows so I feel like I could save a lot of lives.

MIKE: Got it…

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: …so, doctors shows are your vibe.

JESSICA: Yeah.

MIKE: All right, well…

JESSICA: I mean, I know that it, I mean, I, I am very knowledgeable because I could use a lot of things that I learned from Grey’s Anatomy.

MIKE & JESSICA: (LAUGH)

MIKE: Well listen—I appreciate you making the time to come on The Coach Mike Podcast, it was a pleasure talking to you.

JESSICA: Thank you.

MIKE: I really appreciate it.

JESSICA: Nice, nice to talk to you.

MIKE: Buy Jessica Simpson’s book…

JESSICA: Thank you for all that you do for so many people.

MIKE: Thank you so much.

JESSICA: Yes.

MIKE: Open Book—check it out, buy it…

JESSICA: I say it all with, with a smile.

MIKE: Right.

JESSICA: No, I do cry a lot. If you get the audio book…

MIKE: No, I know…

JESSICA: I feel like I should have put, like, a disclaimer in there or something that says, like, “Pull over now” you know? Like, ’cause you’re gonna cry.

MIKE: All right, if you’re gonna read the book, certain chapters you don’t wanna be in a coffee shop.

JESSICA: No.

MIKE: You’re in your home.

JESSICA: Yeah. (LAUGHS)

MIKE: All right. Thank you Jessica.

JESSICA: Thank you!

(MUSIC PLAYS)

MIKE: So I just sat down with Jessica Simpson and you heard that interview and I am so impressed with her honesty and to be honest, I never thought that I would be interviewing someone like a Jessica Simpson or next week’s episode, like a Dr. Phil—that was way beyond what I ever thought. Not on my vision board. And I gotta say I feel pretty blessed and appreciative to share that moment with Jessica today. You know, like Jessica I’m also sober and I grew up in Orange County, California and grew up in a sports family. I thought that I was eventually going to have a sports career but the problem was I had a lot of emotional issues—I struggled with depression, anxiety, self-esteem. My parents started sending me to therapy and before you know it I started getting addicted to drugs. Before you know it, I dropped out of school, became addicted to crystal meth, which some of you maybe have done meth but my guess is a lot of you haven’t. But once I got sober I became a counselor and I did everything I could to be a better version of myself. And at the time I thought I lost everything—having three jobs, no idea how people in this world actually had successful careers or lives, I felt completely lost. And so I did what anyone would do is I put one foot in front of the other, before you know it, I started doing interventions and I started traveling the world and all of a sudden people really wanted me. They thought I was really good. I would have done it for free, I just happened to get paid. And that’s what made it so purposeful and incredible to me. Eventually I started working with entertainers and then I got an idea to start a treatment center and I started out of my apartment in Venice. It was a dinky apartment where I had random people showing up who I would help for free. And eventually that dinky apartment because a full-on treatment center that I’ve now had for 14 years and I’m a business owner. I also started to get requested by a lot of people all over the world—me, this recovering drug addict who literally had no vision for himself at all. So I started being flown out by entertainers and celebrities and executives and business owners and they all wanted me. They wanted my help and really what my gift is is freeing people to be a better version of themselves—that’s what makes me tick. When I see somebody’s lights turn on, it feels so freaking good. And that’s what I hope to do by providing this podcast to you is help you feel aligned, help your lights tick on because I see it with the people, even I’m sitting down with like, Dr. Phil and Jessica Simpson. So eventually I worked with these entertainers and I, for whatever reason, just wasn’t feeling fulfilled. I felt like something was missing in my life and I didn’t know what, it just wasn’t feeling…amazing. And so I did what anyone would do is I started going to Iraq. And the last time I went to Iraq I went alone—I went to Kurdistan, Iraq, I went to Duhok—and I was searching for purpose, because when we’re confused in life what happens is we often don’t know what our purpose is. We’re completely confused, we don’t know why were freakin’ here on this planet, everything looks so good around us, but what the hell, or what the heck or whatever you wanna call it—what do you wanna do with it? And so I would go to these refugee camps and I’d meet these women whose husbands were killed by ISIS, their daughters were being sex-trafficked out in Syria, their sons had seen their dad shot in front of them and all of a sudden I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do something about what I saw. So on my flight back to Los Angeles, I got excited. I was gonna get everyone on board, everyone was gonna help me do what I felt was the work that needed to be done to help people who needed help. And to my surprise I couldn’t get anyone on board. I couldn’t get celebrities on board because it was too polarizing to be representing that they were trying to help somewhere in the Middle East. I couldn’t get my affluent friends on board and these people and clients I’d worked with for years because they had other causes that were important and this was in March 2018, around then, I made a decision, I said, “I’m no longer going to have celebrities or famous people try to do good in the world. I’m going to be my own vehicle in the world.” And all of a sudden life opened up for me. it opened up really quickly where a few weeks later I met someone that you may have heard of—his name is Dr. Phil. And Dr. Phil and I sat down on the Paramount lot at a restaurant and we had lunch and before you know it he asked me to come on an episode three days later. I’d never been on television before, I’d never been in the public eye—and boy it’s been a rollercoaster for the last two years. And while you’re talking to me right now is that decision I made where I was making a decision out of purpose; that my purpose was to do for good, and elevate my own platform to do for good. So you’ll notice as we go through the podcast on The Coach Mike Podcast, I’m gonna start to be asking different folks what are the causes that they get behind and how it’s not-never too soon or too late to start elevating good causes that are going on in this world and people going from darkness to light. I’m choosing people that truly inspire me, that I think are in the public eye, or it can be every day people that I’m deeply curious about and Jessica coming on as the first episode and Dr. Phil next week has been incredible for me because it’s two brave individuals who truly have trail-blazed their way into teaching us some incredible ways for living. A big thing with Jessica was uh, about getting fully honest and how secrets keep us sick and for anyone that knows, anyone that’s struggling with a mental health issue, or an addiction issue, the first step to getting sober and change is honesty. And then you need to become open to a new way of doing it and then you need to become willing. And there’s two things that cause alcoholics or drug addicts to relapse when you say, “Oh, why did they go out? Why aren’t they sober anymore?” There’s two reasons—one is their secrets and secrets keep you sick just like Jessica was saying. So bringing it to the light even though it’s so scary is a way of releasing yourself is a way of releasing yourself, the shame, the guilt the remorse, the blame and you’re using it for good and the other is resentment. It’s actually what we say is the number one offender to someone drinking again is resentment because it’s essentially drinking poison and expecting someone else to die and it will eat you up if you don’t figure out a way to relieve yourself of resentment. Like someone with diabetes who needs to take insulin in order not to get sick for an alcoholic who’s truly an alcoholic, if they take that first drink that’s going to lead to a life that is gonna to be disastrous for them. And so the way to not have resentment around what you can or cannot do is to accept the things you cannot change. If you can’t accept the things you cannot change, you will be resentful. It sucks, but sometimes you gotta realize I gotta change within myself. It’s not about that person, place or thing that I’ve been blaming that’s making me feel a certain type of way. There’s a, in The Alcoholic’s Big Book, which is like the text book of sobriety that most people subscribe to, uh, there’s a saying in it, in kind of the preamble that says some people are constitu-constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. And the people that I’ve found that um, have the biggest challenge with staying sober are the ones that just cannot get honest. And so um, you know, the fact that Jessica is being honest to the best of her ability and she’s not drinking speaks a lot as to why she’s sober today. Most commonly and almost anyone you sit down with and you say, “Why’d you get sober?” It’s gonna be one of two reasons. It’s gonna be either pain or consequences. It’s the pain of staying the same—can’t stand it, can’t stand myself, I feel so sad and miserable that I’m motivated to do something about it and then the consequences if you decide not to change, so getting a DUI, getting a potential divorce if you don’t get sober. Um, just kind of all those different consequences that someone has in their life and if you look at anyone in life that’s looking to make a great change, it really comes down to, “Are they in pain or are there consequences, especially when you’re dealing with alcoholism?" So I said to Jessica “Recovery’s a loose garment and everyone has a different fit” and what I meant by that is no one thing looks the same. Everyone’s sobriety or recovery or whatever issues someone is going through, whether it be a divorce or grief in loss, it’s never the same and it’s really about figuring out what is your fit. Everyone is different and no two alcoholics, drug addicts are the same. I know some people that had a drinking problem at a certain point in their life and they drink today and they can’t get out of bed. And so it’s really measuring what the risk vs. reward is and you know, it typically takes an active alcoholic about 25 to 30 years before they really make a decision to get sober. It pretty much runs around that—the research shows. And if somebody uses drugs like crack or meth or heroin, boy that, that really shortens the time before you start asking for help because you’re in such great pain. And nothing is in a box so there’s so many parallels between somebody making a decision to stop drinking and somebody making a decision to not eat sweets after 9pm at night. Now, making the decision to stop drinking is a problem if it’s gonna cause a great deal more consequences in your life than eating brownies after 9pm, but you still have to make a decision. You have to be honest with yourself. You have to be open, you have to be willing, you have to be focused on what you wanna do otherwise you just simply won’t change. So, you know, someone changing their habits in so many ways are so similar to someone making a decision to get sober.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

MIKE: First one is completed! I just wanna thank Jessica and her team so much for being the first guest on The Coach Mike Podcast. Next week you do not wanna miss it—it is Dr. Phil and the people that have been around him for 20 years told me they’ve never seen, or heard, some of what he has to say next week, which is so touching it makes you truly understand why he’s perceived as one of the most relatable people in this country. So tune in. Subscribe, follow me @CoachMikeBayer on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—I do live. So I do Facebook and Instagram lives where we can interact together or drop me a message with any questions that you might have and keep spreading the LOVE, ’cause the world needs the light that you’re gonna shine brighter. Talk to you soon. Thank you.

(END OF PODCAST)