The Voice of Influence

03/17/21

CM1058 Roger Love

COACH MIKE BAYER: Welcome back to Always Evolving, where we're always evolving and there's so much to learn in this life, there's so much to develop infinite possibilities. And our next guest is an expert and has been studying and working with the voice for as, seems like most of his career. He's a legend in this space if you're really trying to [00:00:30] hire someone or work with someone. These were some of the biggest stars and biggest movies and performers. And Roger Love, thanks for joining us.

 

ROGER LOVE: Thank you very much for the illustrious intro.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: How when people ask you, like you're sitting next to somebody on a plane and they're like, what do you do for a living? What do you say?

 

ROGER LOVE: I say I'm a male model, and then they laugh and then with a straight face, I say, how do you think that makes me [00:01:00] feel when you laugh? I do that sometimes.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: What do you what do you say when people are curious about what you do?

 

ROGER LOVE: I tell them I'm a voice coach and then I work with speakers and singers. And then my job is to help people figure out what sounds should come out of their mouths so that they end up having the personal life and the business life that they hope for.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And when did you start becoming passionate about that subject?

 

ROGER LOVE: I was always passionate about singing when I was when I was a small child, I realized [00:01:30] that that singing made me happy whenever I was sad or depressed for any reason, I would sing. And I didn't understand all the science behind it, but it would just make me feel better. So I grew up wanting to be and being one of those kids that was just singing all the time. So I wasn't thinking about speaking at all. I felt I was trapped in a musical and I just thought every conversation should be sung. So I grew up singing and loving it, learning instruments. And when I was [00:02:00] 13 and a half, I had already decided I was going to be a singer. That voice was going to be my thing. That was my passion. So I finally convinced my parents to take me to a voice coach, and they did that. I was about 13 and 1/2 and he was the most famous voice coach in the world by virtue of the fact that he already had all the biggest stars in the world. He was teaching everyone from Frank Sinatra to Barbra Streisand to Madonna to all the biggest stars back in the day. And [00:02:30] he took me on as a student and I loved it. I loved studying voice. But again, I was just thinking about I'm going to be a singer. And at 16, he suddenly left to go to Canada to teach a master class. And he asked me to come over after school and teach some lessons. And I said, that sounds very challenging based on the fact that I have no idea how to teach. I'm just a student. And he said, oh, don't let [00:03:00] that worry you. I'm going to pay you one hundred dollars an hour. And I said suddenly I wasn't worried and I'll see you on Monday after school. So I show up literally on Monday, never having taught a lesson in my life. And my first student was Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and then

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Wow.

 

ROGER LOVE: Supergroup and super artist, one after the other, from Luther Vandross to Stevie Wonder to you name it. And for six months I faked it and just pretended I [00:03:30] was a voice coach. Six months later, when he came back, all of his students wanted to stay with me because we actually found that I did have an ability to listen to the way people sound and make them sound even better, even if they already started at great.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But what, you were 16 years old

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: When you are becoming the voice coach and then was there any part of you, though, that was like, God, I wish I was out there singing and being the star or was in immediate like, oh, now I'm passionate [00:04:00] about teaching.

 

ROGER LOVE: I'm passionate about teaching, but I never gave up singing at all because I was singing more. I was working with the biggest artists in the world and I was in the studio with them because not only was I teaching them technique, I would go to the studio and actually vocal produce their vocals and then a lot of them we needed background singing. So I started singing on all the records that I was doing. I put myself in as the singer and I, I didn't miss anything. I've [00:04:30] done more singing in my life as a voice coach than I think I would have ever done if I would have just been a solo singer.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Wow. And it sounds like you get to focus strictly on singing and vocals, whereas if you were a performer, you would need to focus on 10000 other things in today's market in order to be a brand or what have you.

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah, you know, I really only taught singers for 17 years and then speakers started coming to me.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Is your opinion and [00:05:00] singing it, I mean, it's really like someone's opinion of what sounds good and what someone believes doesn't sound good. Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: I know.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But are some people you see people go on these reality shows and they want to be the next, you know, American Idol or X Factor or what have you. Why are people so delusional about their voices?

 

ROGER LOVE: That's a good question, everyone's voice sounds different, so [00:05:30] in this world that we have, it's OK to sound like Joe Cocker and have all this Gravel or Lewis Capaldi and have all this gravel in your voice, and it's OK to sound like you're an angel in a choir. So there's all kinds of singing. So that helps those people that sound a little less perfect than opera singers. And there's all types of music and rock [00:06:00] and roll requires a certain emotion sound that isn't about perfection and other types of music require more range or less range. So the good news is you can be passionate about singing and you can be passionate about creating music and making music. It's not about always having the most perfect voice. It's a lot of times about having a character, voice or a voice that is full of emotion, that makes other people feel things when they hear you.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So based upon hearing my voice and I've never [00:06:30] been to a voice coach in my life, if I were to be a singer, where would I go? Like, what would you say to me? I'm like, Listen, Roger, I'm destined to sing, you know, like I want to sing. I'm going to be singing. What would you do with me?

 

ROGER LOVE: Have you sing me a little bits of your favorite songs. I'd say What do you like to listen to? And you'd say, Well, I like country. And I say, OK, sing me your favorite country song. Or you'd say, I like death [00:07:00] metal, rock and roll. I'm like,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, sing me some death metal. Give me a little bit and I'd listen to what you love and I'd listen to you singing what you love. And then I'd start to make some assessments. How does it sound right now? The sound believable. Are you are you hitting the notes? Is a sound real authentic. Are you not hitting the notes? Is this what the great singers in that genre sound like? And here's what you sound like. Do

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But [00:07:30]

 

ROGER LOVE: I

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Do

 

ROGER LOVE: Think

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: You think

 

ROGER LOVE: I

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Sometimes

 

ROGER LOVE: Could.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: People could love an artist, but their voice is not destined to be anywhere near the artists that they love?

 

ROGER LOVE: Of course, I think that being a great singer requires nature and nurture,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Mm

 

ROGER LOVE: So

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Hmm.

 

ROGER LOVE: You're born with an instrument. We're all born with an instrument. Sometimes the instruments that some of us are born with are literally better than the instruments that other people are are born with. That's human nature. [00:08:00] Some people are born with larger noses or smaller noses or wider lips or big eyes or small eyes or a giant cheek that there's a lot of physicality at play and everything that the sound touches in your throat and your nasal cavity and and the shape of your tongue and the size of your jaw, all of that influences. So you're born with a particular instrument. Now, you could either become a good singer or speaker with that instrument by focusing on loving [00:08:30] to sing or loving to speak and being a speaker. Or you could pay no attention to that instrument. And it just sits in your throat like the Steinway piano that your grandmother gave you, that sits in your foyer and you just use it to hold picture frames or you can decide to learn how to use the instrument. So, so great singers are born and then they are nurtured to become great. You have [00:09:00] to have both or you never end up great.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And people who end up smoking cigarettes and in kind of the voice just changes because you're putting different tar or tobacco inside of your instrument. And so over time, the instrument changes, right?

 

ROGER LOVE: Yes, the health of your voice is about the moisture content, how much moisture do you have in your throat? Because if you don't have any moisture in your throat, the [00:09:30] vocal cords get dry. And when they try to bounce up off of each other, they get red and puffy and swollen and you lose your voice and get hoarse and you have problems. So eating and drinking is important because you're trying to keep your vocal cords healthy and moist. So what you eat or drink can make your vocal cords better or worse, which can make you sound better or worse, which can make you sound like you're older and you're not in shape. But but not always. Some people can [00:10:00] drink alcohol and eat a cheese pizza and and go out and sing or speak great. And some people are more susceptible to those things that they eat and they drink and they affect their voices more.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: All right, so I and we won't take long on this, but just a little bit, so I want to sing a Bob Marley song so I've never sang before in my life, but I do love Bob Marley,

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok? And so we should just let you know much about Bob Marley, like [00:10:30] his music.

 

ROGER LOVE: I know the name and I've heard some songs, I don't consider myself a Bob Marley expert, but I think

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: No,

 

ROGER LOVE: I,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: It's

 

ROGER LOVE: I

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok

 

ROGER LOVE: Think

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: As.

 

ROGER LOVE: I know enough to judge your Bob Bob Marley.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yes, to judge by Bob Marley, so I can just choose a line, right, like so. I mean, we could do Redemption Song or three

 

ROGER LOVE: You

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Little

 

ROGER LOVE: Have to

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Birds.

 

ROGER LOVE: Do that one to do that one to do more than

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok,

 

ROGER LOVE: One, might do a few lines.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So it's one love, one heart. Let's join together and

 

ROGER LOVE: And

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Feel.

 

ROGER LOVE: Feel all right.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So [00:11:00] I'm just supposed to sing with no like thing in my head. Just start off with you. OK. OK

 

ROGER LOVE: So, I

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Guys.

 

ROGER LOVE: Mean, I can play, I can play, I can company if you like.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Oh you know how to play this song.

 

ROGER LOVE: One love. One heart, let's get together and feel all right, something like that.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Oh, oh, I like where [00:11:30] you took it to. We got we got a little soul in there, right? One love, one heart. Let's join together and feel all right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok. Now let's go the lower one, love to start here.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: One love. One heart, let's [00:12:00] join together and feel all right. OK, can I ask you one more question why we're doing it

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Now? Am I supposed to have resting bitch face? Am I supposed to exude the emotion? Do you find that anything that you like put out? Because, you know, some people are ugly singers. I've noticed anything that helps it like feeling it or.

 

ROGER LOVE: Do whatever you feel, I'm not I'm not judging you on the choreography,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok,

 

ROGER LOVE: The facial expressions [00:12:30] of

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok.

 

ROGER LOVE: The first level is just

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Singing

 

ROGER LOVE: You

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I'm

 

ROGER LOVE: Asked

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Going to

 

ROGER LOVE: Me

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Let out

 

ROGER LOVE: You

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: The.

 

ROGER LOVE: Asked me to give you an idea of you as a singer.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I love

 

ROGER LOVE: Do

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: It.

 

ROGER LOVE: It one more time for me.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Ok. One love, one heart, let's join together and feel all right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, awesome. Now [00:13:00] you want to tell you about your singing.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yes, please.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, OK, here's here's the good things you like to sing. You might be shy about showcasing your singing, but you love to sing. I can see that you were you were fully into it. I didn't even have to ask you to act it out, move your head. Your whole body started to move. Your head went back and forth. Your your your eyes glossed over with a little bit of ecstasy. [00:13:30] And you and you smiled and you were into it. It wasn't like pulling teeth.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Mm.

 

ROGER LOVE: So you and you enjoyed it. I enjoyed that. Second, you hit most of the notes, which means let me say that again. You were on pitch on a lot of notes. You didn't do this. The No. Supposedly one love, and you can go like this one love, one heart, you know, you didn't do that. So I'd say about [00:14:00] 85 percent of the notes you were on. So it was supposed to be. And you did it one love also you didn't you even add a little a little bit of you added a little riff in there, you add a little embellishment. You said, let's let's get together and feel like you tried to make it as you tried to. Actually, they say, here's the notes. And it's [00:14:30] it's not really about seeing on the notes. It's what do you do in between the notes? How do you go from what you had a little couple of slip slides, a little run. You connected some of the notes together. So here is someone you that when the windows are closed or when the windows are not closed because you don't care, you are someone who likes to sing in the car. You do have a record collection. You think music is a part of your life. So you've spent some time singing in your life. And I hear that. OK, so now [00:15:00] do you have all the range in the world? Can you go up as high as you want? Can you sing along Freddie Mercury songs? Not as easy, right? But the bottom line is you actually have a voice. You haven't developed any kind of style with it that makes you sound unique and you haven't really perfected it to sounding beautiful when you want to sound beautiful. But you have a voice and you have a good ear and you could learn to sing.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I don't know why what popped in my head, and it could I think it's what's [00:15:30] been holding me back, Roger, is I remember having to go to church growing up, and I remember this one woman who is not that friendly. But when when the music came on and they started singing, all of a sudden she was so soft, she thought she had the best voice in the church. And I just remember, God, she's really trying hard to sing like like she's really forcing she could be a little more subtle. So I think in my head all of a sudden I was like, oh, you're either really good or [00:16:00] you're kind of forcing it, you know, like I think what this taught me is I can sing. It takes practice. But also the thing is, it's like anything like I do jujitsu and I do. I just learned how to knit at. The interesting

 

ROGER LOVE: Wow.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Thing is, it's not like I'm comparing my knitting or my jujitsu. I'm showing up and being the best version of myself. And what you're saying is with your voice, the voice that you have, although you could work on it, it's [00:16:30] really just about improvement, because I think it's very easy. And I imagine a lot of singers that you work with, you really have to wipe wipe the slate around, you know, oh, I want to sing like Adele or I want to sing like Lady Gaga or whatever instead of going, no, let's sing you, let's sing the way you're supposed to sing in the way that you want your voice to go. Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Yes, yes and no, I love everything you said, and I agree with you, but actually with you or someone [00:17:00] that does come to me that hasn't develop their own style yet, I like them saying I really like the sound of Adela. I really like the sound of Celine Dion. I really like the sound of Christina Aguilera, because here's where you're at right now. You have a speaking voice and you're used to the way that it sounds. So you sing you talk like this a little bit. You have a little bit of an accent. It has a little bit of a nasal in it. It has a little

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Who

 

ROGER LOVE: Edge

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I do.

 

ROGER LOVE: Like, yeah, yeah. You have a little bit of this sound in there where you kind of go wide with the corners. [00:17:30] You have to have a little of this. So when you go to sing, your regionalism comes in. So you didn't sound like Bob Marley. You kind of did this. So here's the tones that

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: You

 

ROGER LOVE: You use.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Sound like my Jewish relatives.

 

ROGER LOVE: Well, I'm exaggerating it, but but what's the difference if I go, I guess, one, two, three, four, and I kind of go wide with the slime out, there's an edge to it. And if I go one, two, three, four or five, six of its base here and more round, so you have a little [00:18:00] bit more this in there. So when you went to sing, you you only know the sounds, you know. So when you did Bob Marley, you added your speaking voice. So what I would have you do is I would actually have you listen to singers that you love and

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Hmm,

 

ROGER LOVE: Imitate their voices to

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah.

 

ROGER LOVE: Find sounds that you don't make, to move away from the regionalisms and the accents that you have and the way that you form words and to learn how they do it. When are they airy? [00:18:30] When are they edgy? When are they bassy? When are they trebly? When are they high? When are they low? So I have to basically add to your library of sounds. And then what happens is I'd say, OK, we're going to work on this week. You're going to learn to sound like Freddie Mercury and we're going to work on it. And you're going to you're going to realize how Freddie Mercury makes those sounds. And then a week after that, we're going to say now we're going to work on Frank Sinatra and we're going to study the difference between the way Frank Sinatra sounds as Freddie. And we do that six [00:19:00] times, 10 times. And at the end, you actually have learned how to make a lot of sounds that you don't normally think to make. So your library is full of other sounds. And then when we're trying to create how you should really sound, you have more things to choose from. So if you told me, Roger, I want to be a great chef and I say open up your cupboard and we say and we see what you have in you covered, all you have is salt, pepper and tomato. And you [00:19:30] say, Roger, why don't we cook Italian? I've got salt, pepper and tomato. Let's cook that. And I say, hey, why don't we get some more ingredients and then why don't we try cooking Italian one day? And why don't we try cooking French one day and why don't we try to cook General America? So so it's about learning that you make all kinds of sounds, not just the ones you've already you've already grown up with.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah, that's super helpful and, you know, I had heard of you, too, you actually coached my brother. [00:20:00]

 

ROGER LOVE: Tell me.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Can you guess who my brother is, you coached him? I think I'm almost sure I heard your name from him as I'm talking to him, like he may have coached my brother, but I'm very different. Very

 

ROGER LOVE: What's

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Different.

 

ROGER LOVE: Your what

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But

 

ROGER LOVE: Was your brother's name?

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: David Bear.

 

ROGER LOVE: Oh, of course I know, David. 

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: That's my brother.

 

ROGER LOVE: Yes, I love David well, David, because we talked about I don't only work with singers anymore, 17 years after only working the speakers, I started taking only working [00:20:30] with singers. I started taking speakers. David is is a fantastic motivational thought leader, speaker and fantastic. You know, I think he's he does a great job. He has great voice and he has great message and great content. So, of course, I teach your brother. I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Because Lisa Clark, who's a friend of mine, she's like, oh, you got to have Roger on. And then I

 

ROGER LOVE: I

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Was like,

 

ROGER LOVE: Love

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Roger?

 

ROGER LOVE: Lisa

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And

 

ROGER LOVE: To.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Then I'm like. And then I was like, yeah, Lisa's amazing. And then [00:21:00] I was like, yeah. And I think he coached my brother. My brother had an amazing experience. And and I want to ask you, because I also have I now speak and I know a lot of the listeners, maybe they have to speak at a Zoom event now or some of them, like I just spoke for my team this morning. I own a treatment center. And what is speaking for other people or groups? We don't really think about it. We don't think about like [00:21:30] using our voice in different ways. We kind of just are on autopilot. So like, what is the process to become

 

ROGER LOVE: A great

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: A

 

ROGER LOVE: Speaker.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Speaker that really uses their voice in a more intentional way?

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, great question. Here's the first thing, if you want to be a great speaker, you take it off of autopilot, because the truth is most people are not good speakers because we have learned to become a world [00:22:00] that speaks from word to word

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I'm

 

ROGER LOVE: Instead

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: There.

 

ROGER LOVE: Of instead of from emotion to emotion and

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Mm.

 

ROGER LOVE: Words by themselves. Don't have any emotion. So let me give you an example. And at the end of this, I'm going to ask you to tell me how I feel about my wife and how I feel about chocolate. I love my wife. I hate my wife. I love chocolate. I hate chocolate. How do I feel about my wife? Talk chocolate. You don't know.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: No [00:22:30]

 

ROGER LOVE: You

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: You're

 

ROGER LOVE: Couldn't

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Like the

 

ROGER LOVE: Tell.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Color beige, your beige.

 

ROGER LOVE: I'm based, so that's how we learn to speak all of a sudden we speak with words, thinking if we have the right words, that we'd be emotional and people would feel things and they'd remember

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: What they said and they'd take action on what we said. But it's not the case. The brain processes spoken information for emotion first and then logic. So if I say I really want you to meet my brother, he's fun. David, you got to meet him. My brain says you [00:23:00] have a brother I've already forgotten. Or if I say I want you to meet my brother David, you'll love him. Then my brain says, like, yeah, let's set up lunch with the three of us. So most people are speaking with no emotion, no musicality at all in their speaking voice. I literally my job is to put the emotion back into people's speaking voices so that when they speak, people [00:23:30] listen and they feel things and they remember. Mike, do you know that the average attention span, the average human a human attention span, you know, how how many seconds is it, do you think? We're not that far off that

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Oh,

 

ROGER LOVE: Bad yet. Eight seconds, but that's

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Eight

 

ROGER LOVE: Still

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Seconds, OK?

 

ROGER LOVE: Bad enough. Eight seconds. That means you're talking to someone and every eight seconds you've basically have the potential of losing their attention, them [00:24:00] not caring about what you're going to say and then thinking about picking up a glass or their phone or walking away or turning the channel every

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Eight seconds. So knowing that people's attention span is so short and knowing that people processes spoken language for emotion, you got to up the game. You got to do the same thing that I taught my singers. I taught them that there are melodies you're supposed to go up and down and some melodies make people feel happy and some [00:24:30] melodies make people feel sad. And there are there are pace. There are rhythms. Sometimes you speak

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah.

 

ROGER LOVE: Fast, sometimes you speak low, and sometimes you speak loud. And sometimes you should speak soft and sometimes you speak high and sometimes you should speak low. When my students are speaking, it's like they're speaking your favorite song and you feel something and you listen and you are attentive to them and you remember them and you are moved by them emotionally. That's what [00:25:00] being human is all about. Do we really want to get to what's next in the world? Humans have lost their ability to speak emotionally and we've trained our machines to speak unemotionally. So robots, AI will speak unemotionally. Any humans will speak unemotionally. And then where's the humanity in that?

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah, I so I just went to my as I mentioned, I have a treatment center and I spoke to the therapist and the team today and the talk that I gave was about have [00:25:30] a seat at the table. Like your professional and our profession, people are taught like you kind of play small, but I'm like, no, you don't get, you're not going to be speaking at a conference on a topic you're passionate about. You're not going to be pulled into a research project like it's kind of the context, right? Like don't you don't need to play small,

 

ROGER LOVE: Like.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But for me, I, I can go on a tangent and I know this about myself. And it's [00:26:00] also how sometimes in the moment I'm like figuring out where to go with it. I sometimes struggle with like how do I open something up with my voice? Like the first, you know, I was here like, you know how Dr. Phil even says to me. He's like, you know, the first few minutes that you meet someone, that's the time when you just want to make them feel comfortable often just come in like a bull in a china shop. Right. Like, I'll just and I'm working on that. But in terms of voice, do you have any [00:26:30] tips for when you're wanting to start a conversation where people are listening to you, not just because we're all in this world now on Zoom people are listening to you and

 

ROGER LOVE: Great.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: The attention span, not sure what the research shows. You may even be shorter over Zoom.

 

ROGER LOVE: It probably is. OK, Dr.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Very.

 

ROGER LOVE: Phil, Dr. Phil's right, but that may be even more specific in the first few seconds that you speak to someone, you don't just want to make them feel comfortable. You want [00:27:00] to make them feel anything just to feel something. Because most people, when they at the beginning of conversations, they're just like this. You're at the dry cleaner and you're talking to somebody that you haven't seen in a while. And you and it sounds like this. "How you doing?" "I'm good" "How are you doing?" "Fine" "Wife?" "Alive" "Kids?" "Alive" "Good" "Later" "Later". Do you feel nothing

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Yeah.

 

ROGER LOVE: If feel nothing. Words on a blank paper. Here's how to make the beginning of every [00:27:30] conversation that you start valuable to both parties. How to grab the other person's attention, how to make them want to listen to you more, make them like you more, and be interested in what you're going to say next

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Listen,

 

ROGER LOVE: First thing.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: You're you're summoning me, I see myself floating across the room ready for this.

 

ROGER LOVE: First thing, you are supposed to sound happy and grateful when you start [00:28:00] a conversation, you're supposed to sound happy because when you start a conversation with someone, if you start sad, my name is Roger Love. It's my birthday. I didn't get any presents then immediately they're like, ugh, why would I want to talk to anyone who sad I have enough of my own worries and problems? The first way to meet anyone in any conversation, no matter what the situation is, is showcase that you are happy. How [00:28:30] do you showcase that you're happy? I mention the word melody a few minutes ago. Melodies happen when you speak. So you're either going from a low note to a high note, which is called an ascending melody. I really love my wife. I love chocolate. I love you, Mike. That's an ascending melody that makes you sound happy or you're using descending melodies. Today is Friday. The weekend is so short, I'm going from high to low. Most people speak [00:29:00] from high to low. So when you start to talk, you immediately sound sad. We were taught to go down at commas and go down at periods and that's how we learned Melody. But that

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Now.

 

ROGER LOVE: Makes us sound depressed. So stop using descending melodies. When you speak to someone, use ascending melodies, the notes that go from low to high. You don't have to be a singer for this. How are you today? This is fantastic. I'm so happy we met. It's great to see you. I sound happy. Ascending melodies. As soon [00:29:30] as you've established Happy, here's what the other person is thinking. Roger's happy. I wonder why Roger's happy? I think I need to talk to him more to find out. And then I'm also thinking Roger sounds happier than me. Maybe I should be happier? How come I'm not happy? I again need to spend more time hanging with Roger, find out what he's so happy about. Maybe I could be happier. Start with happy. It's a win win, us sending melodies.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And how do you, what with [00:30:00] some would go like, how can they authentically, let's say they're not in a good mood, but they need to turn it on in that moment? I remember I gave a talk once and I was practically crying before because I was so overwhelmed with all this other stuff I had going on and I was so stressed out I didn't want to do the talk. I was like I tried every ritual, you know, meditated, looked at myself in the mirror. I was like, I don't even want to do that. And they're paying me a lot of money. I was like, I don't want to do this. And [00:30:30] and I pulled out of it somehow at the last second. But do you have any tips? Because I imagine a lot of what you've worked with is you've got to turn on.

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah, if a singer felt as much heartache that was in a sad song, then

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Hmm.

 

ROGER LOVE: Their throat would close up, they'd cry and they'd never be able to sing. A great actor is not trying to feel things. A great actor is trying to make the audience feel things.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Mm.

 

ROGER LOVE: So the bottom line is it is [00:31:00] your job as a speaker to flip the switch and move into whatever emotions you need to to make other people feel things. I say that your voice is not for you, your voice isn't for you. If your voice was for you, you would have ears on your hands. And you talk like this, but your ears are over here. So sound goes this way. So your voice is for somebody over there, your ears can't hear you, your ears are here. So sound [00:31:30] is and your mouth and everything is for other people. You're supposed to learn how to use your voice so that other people feel things.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Mm.

 

ROGER LOVE: If you want to talk to yourself, close your mouth. Don't make any sound, cry all you want, feel all you want. But when it's time to speak to someone else, it's what do they need to hear? It is totally authentic. Here's the other thing. Let's

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But when

 

ROGER LOVE: Say.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Singers cry, like when you see, you can see a singers sing a sad song and they cry, you're saying it's a [00:32:00] show?

 

ROGER LOVE: It's a show they're not really that moved by it. They cry easy because if they were really that moved, their throat

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And

 

ROGER LOVE: Would

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: People

 

ROGER LOVE: Close

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: In the

 

ROGER LOVE: Up.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Irony, the irony with the consumers, they're like, oh, my God, they're so honest and I'm like, they're singing a song, for God's

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Sake, people

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Are

 

ROGER LOVE: Just.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So naive thinking that someone is honest because they're singing. You see it, too, right? I've

 

ROGER LOVE: Yeah,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Worked

 

ROGER LOVE: Of

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: With

 

ROGER LOVE: Course,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: A lot of talent and I'm

 

ROGER LOVE: Of

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Like,

 

ROGER LOVE: Course.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: They're out singing something. They don't even feel that way like [00:32:30] they're in a different spot.

 

ROGER LOVE: Look, I work with some of the greatest actors in the world, my students are Bradley Cooper and Keira Knightley and Jeff Bridges and Reese Witherspoon and fantastic actors and actresses. And and they, their job, like I said, is not to feel. Their job is to showcase so that you feel. But the bottom line is I make sure that my speakers are authentic all the time because we all have different sides of ourselves.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Let's say let's [00:33:00] say you're not feeling well that day. You're sad, OK? You can either make the sounds of sadness and give in to it and then nobody's the better off, especially you or you can make sounds that are more happier. And here's what happens when you make the sounds of happy and the sounds of grateful. And when you sound stronger, your brain hears you and it says, well, maybe you're not dying today, Roger. Maybe you do have a little bit more energy. So let's [00:33:30] say I'm on the third day of a live event and there's a thousand people that have just spent three days with me. OK, like your brother David. And we're doing a live event. It's six o'clock at night on the third night. I've been on stage myself for three solid days and nights. I'm exhausted. So what am I going to do? Am I going to swamp my shoulders over? Am I going to speak softly because my throat hurts? No, I'm going to stand up tall, chest up, shoulders back [00:34:00] and down on and take big breaths. I'm going to create more volume and then my brain's going to hear myself and it's going to say, well, I guess there's a little bit more coal that we can throw in the locomotion engine. You still got a little left in you. And it's and it creates energy. I use voice to get me to the place that I should feel not to necessarily start from the place that I feel.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So I have some of the dos, [00:34:30] what are some of the big don'ts that I'm sure you see that people do where you're like, oh, that's a don't it's not working. What are those besides presenting this sad. Right. But

 

ROGER LOVE: Great,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Like.

 

ROGER LOVE: Here's some here's some huge don'ts. Dont speak with a squeaky and vocal fry. This is happens all the time. People talk like this. This is called a vocal fry. You've heard it. You most people do it at [00:35:00] the ends of sentences when they run out of air and they still think they've got to get a few more words out. So stay away from vocal fry. That's one thing, because

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I'm

 

ROGER LOVE: Vocal

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: A guy

 

ROGER LOVE: Fry,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Who knows

 

ROGER LOVE: Really,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Someone who's like this.

 

ROGER LOVE: It's not sexy at all.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Now.

 

ROGER LOVE: It's just bad for the chords. Here's the here's another. Don't stop thinking that more air means that you care more. You sounding airy is the worst thing you can do for your voice because air immediately dries up all the moisture [00:35:30] on your cords like. Like you swallowed a blow dryer that was still on

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But

 

ROGER LOVE: Speaking.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: I want them to care about what I'm saying.

 

ROGER LOVE: So then you have you have moments of more air, but you don't you don't get locked into it because you will trash your voice. You don't want to sound airy and whispery because you don't sound sexy. You just sound weak and powerless and you don't want to sound vocal fry. Second thing, you need to stop holding your breath while you're speaking. Most people speak [00:36:00] and sing while they're holding their breath. So they might take a big breath and then they go to speak and then they're talking and they don't realize they're holding their breath. Well, how do I know if they're holding their breath? When you speak, your stomach is supposed to be coming in the whole time like an accordion. You're supposed to breathe, your tummy comes forward. That's called diaphragmatic breathing. And then the whole time you're speaking, your stomach is supposed to be coming in, in in slowly like a balloon deflating. [00:36:30] Ninety five percent of the people in the world, when they speak their stomach is totally stationary. Check this out. I'm going to start to count with my stomach tight and not move it. One, two, three, four, five, six.

 

ROGER LOVE: Now, I'm going to let my stomach come in. One, two, three, four, five, six has more air. And then all of a sudden my stomach stops and I sound like I'm I'm trying to get air through a straw. That I'm holding the middle of the straw. We need to learn to stop holding our breath [00:37:00] when we speak. Only speak while your stomach is coming in. Here's another don't stop speaking in monotone like your one note on the piano. I'm only one note on the piano. This is the note I was born with and I just keep hitting the same note. I wonder why people get so bored with me. You have to not speak in monotone. You have to have a bunch of notes. You have to pretend that you you can go a little higher and you can go a little lower. You have to think I'm a piano, even a little piano. But most people just stay on one note the whole time. Monotone [00:37:30] when they get really excited, maybe they'll go to another note, they'll go, oh, and then they'll come back to this note. Those are some don'ts.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: That's super helpful. Have you ever had someone that you thought, I just can't do anything here like this is beyond no return? Have you ever had that situation?

 

ROGER LOVE: No, I have somebody that I worked, I had someone that I've had people that a classic the classic example of that is this [00:38:00] guy came to me and he wanted to be a singer and he was a really good actor. And I worked with him for six months. And at the end of six months, I just couldn't get him to be a great singer. And I went to him and I said, I can't do it. I've tried and you've tried, but I don't want to take your money anymore. I can't take your money. I don't think I can make you the kind of singer you need to be. And he said, Roger, can you just give me one more month? Can you give me one more month? And I said, what's going to change [00:38:30] in one month? He goes, I just know something's going to change one month. Can you give me one more month? A month later, he was starring on Broadway as the lead singing and acting, and here's what changed. During that month, I realized that he was never going to be the greatest singer, but he was a great actor. So I started working on his singing voice more from an acting side,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Right.

 

ROGER LOVE: Thinking Rex Harrison did it in My Fair Lady. Everybody doesn't [00:39:00] have to sound like an opera singer. And he wanted to be a musical theater star. So I put more acting in, less voice. And I taught him to sing like more acting and less singing. And he was starring on Broadway a month later. Or was at least cast

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: That's

 

ROGER LOVE: As

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Awesome.

 

ROGER LOVE: The lead on Broadway?

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Have you? This just is another unusual question, probably, but have you ever been coaching someone and they get passive aggressive with their voice, like where you're trying to get them to do something? Do [00:39:30] people get pushed to the point where they're just like frustrated and they just start coming back

 

ROGER LOVE: Course.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: At you with, like, passive aggressiveness?

 

ROGER LOVE: All the time, all the time,

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Really?

 

ROGER LOVE: But look, your voice, we're very personal about our own voices. And so, so I say that the voices, the new windows to the soul, it used to be your eyes. Now it's your voice. You want to know how people really feel, what they really think. Listen to the sound of their voice. It's all truthful there. So [00:40:00] people are very sensitive about using their voice. I mean, come on, the number one fear in America, most of the world actually is public speaking. Fear of public speaking is the number one fear

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: But

 

ROGER LOVE: In the

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Let

 

ROGER LOVE: World.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Me why do people so many people not like their voice when they hear it back, like, what is

 

ROGER LOVE: Because

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: That?

 

ROGER LOVE: Because they don't record their voice on a regular basis so they know what it sounds like coming back, it's a surprise to them. When You speak, the way you hear yourself is mostly through bone vibration. [00:40:30] So the sound, while it's being produced inside of your body, vibrates inside your bones. And it

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Oh,

 

ROGER LOVE: Sort

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Wow.

 

ROGER LOVE: Of makes you makes you feel like there's a sound going on, but it's just a vibration. But you don't know what sound actually sounds like, because, like I said, as soon as you make it, it goes away from you and sound. Traveling away from you sounds different than sounds coming towards you. So here's the biggest do instead of don't do, the biggest do is to start regularly recording yourself on your [00:41:00] smartphone, take out your smartphone and record yourself talking about lunch or breakfast or some something fun that you plan on doing and then listen back and say, oh, do I have that squeaky hinge? Roger said all that time and it sounds like that that's bad. Am I holding my breath like Roger said all the time? Oh, my gosh, that's bad. I got my stomach come in. Wow. Am I doing monotone like I'm just one note on a piano like Roger said not to do? Well, I got to do that. I got to change that. Am I whispering all the time? Because Roger said that that doesn't [00:41:30] really sound as sexy as I thought and my whispering all the time. And you listen back and then you say, OK, I'm going to try it again. This time I'm not going to hold my breath. Oh, oh, I sound a little better. I'm going to try it again. This time I'm going to actually have more than one note. I'm going to go up a little bit. I'm going to go down a little bit. Roger said I sounded sad because I kept going down. Everything kept going down. I'm going to try going up. I recorded myself. Roger knows what he's talking about. Sounds better.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Well, Roger, I mean, we're out of time, but and I really appreciate you coming on, [00:42:00] it's been a pleasure meeting you. But before we wrap, there's some exciting news to share. We worked with Roger for all you listeners to put together something really special for you. So, Roger, you want to share some good news?

 

ROGER LOVE: Look, I absolutely love being the delivery person for good news, and the fact is I came today because I want to help people use their voices to achieve whatever they decide is their next level of success personally and professionally. [00:42:30] So if you're listening and you want to speak or you want to sing it, if this interview has somehow inspired you to do either or both, here's what we did for you. There's a fifty dollar gift certificate waiting for you right now on Roger Love, dot com forward slash, evolve, e v o l v e , Roger love, dot com forward slash, evolve. Just go there and type it in and put in the code [00:43:00] and you're going to claim your gift certificate of fifty dollars off and you're going to be able to use it to get your hands on any program that you like of mine in my programs are very, very cost effective. And let's say you want to learn how to sing. There's programs to learn how to sing online and you want to learn to speak. Great, there's both. You can use it to learn how to speak better, learn how to sing better. Both Fifty dollars waiting for you and I'm excited. Look, I know if if you're [00:43:30] like Mike and I, you're a learner. There's a reason that Mike is learning to knit. He's a learner. Nothing's off the table. It's about growing and always exploring new things. And I don't want you to have to choose. So go there, learn how to sing. Learn how to speak. Do both. Roger love dot com forward slash evolve.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: And and that's everyone, you know, a lot of you hit me up, some of you are singers and some of you are starting businesses and Rogers' programs [00:44:00] will help you if you're like learning now, how should you do that pitch? Because you're selling a product. How do you show up in that conversation? So you seem confident in that job interview. How do you show up in your life? And really it's taking your voice to the next level. And Roger, Love, thank you for coming on Always evolving. And I hope at some point I have a free group on Tuesdays, the Empowerment Group. We have Singer doing this Tuesday. But at one of these Tuesdays, if you ever doubt and want to jam [00:44:30] a song for our opening of the group, I would love to have you.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, awesome. We'll do a duet.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: Oh, my God, that would be amazing. Well, thank you, Roger.

 

ROGER LOVE: Ok, I'll see you soon. Bye bye, everybody.

 

COACH MIKE BAYER: So that is Roger Love, and I certainly learned a lot, and I hope you did, to make sure to text me also tag me on Instagram. If you checked out this episode, let me know what you thought. Maybe even make a video with your voice [00:45:00] and be like Coach Mike, this is my voice. Or you could sing the Bob Marley song, but tag me on Instagram. You can also shoot me a text at three one zero nine eight four eighteen fifty eight. We'll talk soon. Keep it magical. Bye for now. The always evolving with Coach Mike Beer podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a replacement or substitution for any professional, medical, financial, [00:45:30] legal or other advice, diagnosis or treatment. This podcast does not constitute the practice of medicine or any other professional service. The use of any information provided during this podcast is at the listeners own risk. For medical or other advice appropriate to your specific situation please consult a physician or other trained professionals.